This is somehow even less sexy than your physical health. Sorry. I am seriously gonna be your mom in this one. I’m gonna tell you to set a budget, make a doctor’s appointment, fix that leaky faucet.

(But first make sure you start here to get your mind right on self care, and then take care of your physiological needs with part 2. Then come back.)

You thought self care was all about bath bombs well GOOD MORNING. Self care is all that boring stuff you don’t want to do. Self care is about paying attention to the “Check Engine” light in your brain – and sometimes that means taking care of the one in your car.

The next step in the process is Safety. Or even better I like to refer to it as Security. Are you guys sick of hearing me talk about my word of the year? Well too bad I still have 2.5 months left and I’m gonna beat Secure 2018 to death. Security is about completing the stress cycle, so you don’t always feel like you’re being chased by a cheetah. I also like to call this the GYST phase. GYST = Get Your S#!% Together. You’ve started sleeping more. You’re feeding your body. You better be drinking water, Danica.

But before you start adding in commitments and extracurriculars, it’s time to GYST. Clear out all that crap you’ve been meaning to do, the stuff hanging over your head. Get the maintenance done. Cross off the nagging tasks. You may think that 2 hours of The Office will make you feel better, and it might, but I can promise from experience that finally fixing that dumb stupid thing or scheduling that appointment you’ve dreaded will feel even better, more permanently.

Let’s get you secure.

Health

Once you’ve earned back your brain and body’s trust by consistently meeting your own physiological needs, start considering your personal feeling of security. Health is a form of stability and security. Are you constantly fighting off a cycle of low-grade illness because you don’t sleep enough, only drink Diet Coke, and eat popcorn 8x a week? Just me? Well.

Make doctors appointments. Get a dental cleaning. Have your eyes checked. Consider any preventative medicine you may need – cancer screening, genetic testing, bloodwork.  Start taking vitamins. You could even include your beauty routine in this! Simply getting dressed every day is a pyramid foundation I thought I didn’t have time for. Dumb. Do what you need to do to ensure stable, secure health. It’s not as sexy as a bath bomb, but it’s so much more important.

Finances

MONEY, FAM. It’s such a huge stressor. Get your house in order. Figure out exactly how much money you have in your accounts, how much you’re bringing in, all of your accumulated debt. Monitor your monthly bills and how much you’re spending on Chipotle, Danica. Take control of this. (I highly recommend HomeBudget for a mobile budgeting app and I also liked Budget Boot Camp to whip my finances into shape!) It’s scary and often makes you feel really bad. But it’s a huge part of your self care and security.

Talk with your spouse, rather than hiding it or avoiding potential conflict. Open a savings account or retirement fund! Maybe it’s time to consider getting a job, getting a new job, getting a better job. Do whatever is right for you, right now, to help you feel more safe and secure in your finances.  With careful planning you can release the constant stress of finances and earn yourself more security. This might mean NOT buying the sexy bath bombs. And THAT is self care.

Emotional Safety

Are you safe? You should be safe. Yes that might mean an alarm system or security camera. But it also might mean removing a toxic person from your life or creating boundaries to protect your emotional and mental safety. Not easy. Not fun. But it’s self care. You deserve to be safe.

So ask yourself when you feel in danger – literal or figurative. Identify times you feel bad/scared/angry/threatened. Then take the steps you need to feel safe. If you’re an introvert it could mean giving yourself permission to turn down parties or assignments. This might mean quitting your job! If it’s unstable, toxic, or harmful to your mental/emotional health, consider looking for something new. Maybe it’s time to distance yourself from a friend or neighbor that makes you feel bad in any number of ways.

This is self care. Saying no to callings, parties, family reunions, gossip, negativity, whatever it is that leaves you feeling weak and exposed. Take care of yourself. You deserve to feel safe.

Adulting

Is your situation reliable? Has your car had the “check engine” light on for a month? Do you have a leaky faucet you’ve been putting off fixing? As part of this stability & security phase, you take the time to address all the annoying little instabilities in your life currently. This is totally unsexy. But the feeling of security and stability that comes from tackling those nagging tasks is so important. Free yourself from playdates, side projects, and all the extra obligations you face so you have time to do all this boring adult stuff.  Laundry. Oil Changes. Repairs. Cleaning out your pantry. All of those day to day insecurities are adding up to a lot of extra stress, so kick ’em.

I remember doing this once when I was just so sick of drowning all day every day. I got a babysitter and I ran like 50 errands in one day. I’ve also blocked out whole Saturdays in my planner as GYST days lol. I refuse to make plans and instead I force Ryan to help me hang shelves or I finally pack away the sizes of clothing my girls haven’t fit in for months that I’ve just been throwing in a pile on the side of their dresser.

I cannot tell you how good you will feel as you tackle these tasks, and how you’ll feel even better when you DON’T EVEN HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THEM TOMORROW. Clear it all. It can help if you think about the thorns in your side right now – what will have the maximum impact if you can just get it done? For me, right now, today, it’s childproofing my basement closet so Reese can’t get into the Legos. Ugh. JUST DO IT, Danica!!!!

Spirit

Religion falls in this category for many people. It might not for you, but it does for me. This stage is where I added back in prayer, scripture study, and working on my personal religious commitments. It built up my personal security and stability. I was careful, however, to only do the things that added to my personal security and stability, not just any random thing that was suggested in sacrament meeting or on the home page of lds.org.

Do the things that bring your spirit peace. Maybe it’s the temple. Maybe it’s daily prayer. Maybe it’s asking to be released from a demanding calling. Maybe it’s talking to someone about your doubts or talking to your bishop about worthiness concerns.

I don’t know what this means for you. But I do know that there is a God who loves you SO FREAKING MUCH and in that love you can feel safe and secure. Find it.

Are you starting to get this? A mani/pedi can be fun and make you feel good, but it isn’t going to help when you have to jump start your car yet again tomorrow, making you late for work. Self care is thinking about what will make you feel better tomorrow, not just right now.

For me this meant turning off the hours of mindless Netflix and staying away from Old Navy, and instead taking my Jeep in for those annoying recalls and cleaning out my fridge. AND IT FELT SO GOOD.

You still shouldn’t be worrying about friendships, or your career path, or your impact on your community. There will be time for that. But honestly you’re not gonna be long term successful or have maximum impact in those areas without solidifying your base!

When this stage is complete, or at least once you’ve got the hang of it, Oh Boy. Things are bout to get fun. When your body feels good, and you’ve taken out your proverbial trash, you’ll be 100 emoji. You feel so much better, and suddenly you have the space to breathe. You’ll have the time and energy and bandwidth to move on to the next step, one that is FINALLY fun and sexy!!!!

Up next is relationships! Self care through love and belonging is so powerful and fills your tank to bursting. Can’t wait.