The quintessential summer month and I think I crushed it.

I really put that Scera pool pass to use this month. My girls have been in a city summer camp almost every week and they get out at 2. Then at least twice a week we dump snacks in the cooler, swim toys in the wagon, and get to the pool. It’s been fantastic.

The unofficial soundtrack of the month was the Barbie soundtrack. The vibes? Immaculate.

Good

• Ryan and I celebrated our 12th anniversary a little early with a weekend in Park City! It was gorgeous and chill and a nice little escape together.
• We celebrated our ACTUAL anniversary by seeing BARBIE! Even better, tbh. Loved it, so many thoughts, will never stop talking about it.
• I finished the 6-dose Ketamine schedule and really, really enjoyed it. I feel really grateful for that option and our ability to take at this time.
• Swimming! The Scera pool is the best. The kids bring friends, I bring a book, a good time is had by all.
• We tried to do fun things with our kids and I think we did a pretty good job. The pool, snowcones, an attempt at a minor league baseball game that was rained out, playdates, friend’s BBQs. We squeezed every ounce out of July.

Bad

• Our job situations have both been shaken up this month. Our current full-time jobs have shifted in weird ways, we’ve both taken on side gigs, and we’re not really sure what the next steps look like. We have options, which is a huge relief. Work stuff is just always a major stressor.
• Related news: Burnout!!!! Guess what?! I have like 95% of the symptoms!!!! A-Student as always!
• You know what the cure for burnout is? Basically the opposite of everything I am doing/have to do for the next several weeks. 🙂
• Speaking of burnout… did you know you can burn out your kids by sending them to summer camps and then dragging them to pools and baseball games and playdates and “fun” “family” “outings” every afternoon and evening???? That was a hard realization of a parenting oversight. And also rude??? I’m being a fun mom????? And that’s a BAD THING???
• We weaned Reese off the medication she’s been taking, kind of inadvertently but thought “hey maybe we’ll see that she’s outgrown the need for it?” Nope. Still needs it and it was APPARENT. This is ok though—we’re back on and feeling confident about it. It was just a rough week or two.

On My Brain

• Just a whole lot about the Barbie movie, fam. You already know. It’s a dead horse being beaten all over the internet. Ultimately when a white dude has loud opinions for shitting on something that girls love (Barbie, Taylor Swift, Stanley cups, boy bands, Sodalicious) I’m gonna go ahead and file that under “Fragile Male Ego.” Mostly, I’m just so tired on their behalf. Just… come on. Just enjoy something fun. Just stop putting all your strength into barricading the doors of your closed little mind. The idea that you have nothing to learn from a movie like this is the biggest, brightest red flag.
• I posted a bit of a call-to-action on my Instagram stories regarding the Sound of Freedom movie. I’ve pretty publicly stated my distaste for Tim Ballard and O.U.R, based on well-researched reporting and, well, the vibes. Ultimately, I just hope that we can agree on a shared concern—protecting kids from all forms of abuse. Me and Tim disagree about the highest risks of child abuse and how to stop it (science is on my side but whatever). But if we all agree that children are precious and deserve protection, we should ALL be pressing for mandatory background checks, mandatory reporting, and zero tolerance for harboring or protecting abusers. This includes schools, extracurricular activities, and IMPORTANTLY… churches. Where I live, the LDS church is the most prevalent and does not require background checks or mandated reporting of abuse. Booooooo. We absolutely can change this. It’s been done in some states (like California) and countries (the U.K.). It’s doable. It’s vital. Let’s gooooooo.
• Should I sign my kids up for extracurriculars? This is a constant on my back burner. Reese has done so well with summer camp this whole summer. But I don’t want to throw her back into the deep end of the pool with more social economy than she can handle this year—especially since she’ll be starting at an entirely new school, new program, new everything. Loney is ambivalent about everything. Stevie is going from 3-day preschool to 2-day preschool… does she need more? She’s so social and will be so sad to have Loney and Reese and all the neighborhood gang back in school ALL DAY. Right now I’m leaning to “no.” On everything but the basics. If it’s meant to be we should be able to get into anything worth doing (piano, acting, dance, etc) mid-semester.
• Writing. I mean, it’s always on my brain. It’s my job. But it’s also my hobby. And I recently got sparked with a new idea. Perfect timing /sarcasm/. I really want to carve out time to work on it and see if it has legs. I am absolutely getting my butt kicked with a full-time job, two cool contract projects I’m squeezing in on nights and weekends, and all of the fun and family stuff I want to do. Ryan, ever my biggest supporter, was like “What if we grab you a cabin for a weekend so you can do your own little writing retreat?” and now I’m scheming.
• Since leaving the church, everything has dissolved for me. I have no spirituality, no belief, no practice. And I don’t mind? Should I? A lot of people in the post-Mormon space are constructing their own religious practices, or still believe in God, or meditate, or SOMETHING. I see this dialogue and wonder “Am I supposed to fill that gap with something?” but weirdly there is no gap. I think it was something I was always shoving into myself when there was no space yearning for it. For now, I’m so content with no religious or spiritual practice. Open to whatever may arise in the future.
• Pioneers. It’s weird. I’ve thought more about the pioneers and my ancestors in this last month than I have for most of my life (with the exception of Trek, for which I am still traumatized). We watched 1883 this month and it was absolutely heartbreaking. I knew a lot of this (I was a U.S. History teacher, a Utah native, and a Mormon), but seeing it visually recreated with lots of context was gutting. I also read The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy by Carol Lynn Pearson, a brilliant, progressive, and active member of the LDS church. It’s all about the history of polygamy: how it started, how it was covered up, how it evolved, and how it still haunts us today. How many of our brave and faithful women made the extreme sacrifice of polygamy with the strength of their faith, just to be completely erased and shamed? I’m feeling a lot more empathy for my ancestors, many coming from England, Scandinavia, and Germany to sacrifice everything, planting roots for me to grow in this most beautiful of valleys.

We’re packing up to go to Tennessee for a week with the Holdaways! My first time ever, and Ryan was born there but hasn’t been back. We’re very excited. And THEN we get back and immediately start school! Wild. It already feels like August is almost over, sorry Taylor Swift.