I was fully prepared to lay in bed for the entire month of November in recovery. But instead I was overjoyed to see a version of Danica in the mirror that I haven’t seen in a very, VERY long time.

I haven’t bled in a month and you guys? It’s truly magical. The emergency order and a brief cold (not COVID–we tested!) threw off some work plans, but seriously it was still an awesome month and now suddenly it finally is the last month of this unforgettable year.

Good

• I went to the gym. THE GYM. I walked and even lifted some light weights.
• I got to see my grandma! She’s in a care facility which means she’s been on hard core lockdown since March. We’ve talked at her window but they decided it was time to let residents out for the holidays. We were very surprised, considering the cases in Utah rising, but for many of the residents the threat of loneliness has done more damage so it was worth the risk overall. It was just so nice to be with her and let her finally hold Stevie. <3
• I took a week to post stuff I was grateful for and it had a major impact on my happiness. I felt so much better. And I loved being on social media again seeing everyone else’s positive posts!
• I reread some of my favorite books this month—Nevermoor, Wundersmith, and the new one Hollowpox. Ugh they’re just so good.
• We got a big Christmas tree for our new house and had to use a ladder to decorate it and it makes me so happy every time I walk in the room.
• Every night at like 8 pm I have all this residual energy to burn off (not used to that feeling) so I turn on a podcast or audiobook and just GO HARD around the house doing chores and projects and it’s just endlessly hilarious to Ryan and really great for my house.
• THE MANDALORIAN IS SO FREAKING GOOD GUYS
• I’m almost completely done with Christmas shopping.

Bad

• Still not allowed to take baths. 🙁 🙁 🙁
• I listened to My Dark Vanessa and while it was so well written and so important and I learned a lot, it was HEAVY. My heart feels broken for victims of abuse and just so sad that it happens in this world.
• I’m not in a great place with my body, for the 17th month running? It’s hard to balance body neutrality and intuitive eating and low energy and clothes that don’t fit and wanting to be smaller and tighter and stronger. I want to start hitting the gym hard but I can’t, and I also know that once I’m cleared it’ll need to be painfully slow and certainly discouraging.
• I have a shiny new 2021 planner that I’m SO EXCITED ABOUT but thanks to the rona there really aren’t too many things I can truly ink in with confidence.
• The Office is officially leaving Netflix. I knew it but didn’t truly believe it would happen. It’s ok though because Ryan got a PlayStation which will make watching my DVDs easier.

On My Brain

• I’ve always liked to get to the bottom of things and debunk stuff, and marrying Ryan only fueled that fire. (He’s a ruiner, for better or worse. He will spoil all of the adult equivalents of Santa Claus.) Lately it’s been raging for me. MLMs, Secret Sister gift exchange, fake free Costco stuff if you like a page. I always struggle between “just be nice and let them live” and “this is actually harmful and I don’t want to stand by while people are exploited.”
• I’ve never been a non-believer or a staunch believer of aliens and UFOs. I’ve just never really had an opinion. But I’ve been binging Sinisterhood and like 100% there are aliens and UFOs and I learned that the Blink 182 guy was right and now works for the government to research aliens. What a sentence.
• Reese is on my brain every second these days. She’s in a really intense attitude phase and seems angry a lot. She’s also pretty bored by school, other than the social aspect. She’s ahead and I’m not really sure how to keep her stimulated other than books. It’s now getting super cold so riding her bike and trying to find neighbor kids is on the decline too. I’m proud of her and grateful for her, while simultaneously worried and lost and tired. Send help and patience.
• I’m considering going full time for work. Right now I’m part-time, up to 30 hours (I usually do around 20) and full-time is considered 30 hours. I’m feeling good and have an amazing nanny. If I do decide to do that I’ll do 2 days in office and the rest from home. I freaking love my job.

What an insane year. There were months that I was like “2020 GTFO!!!!!” but suddenly here we are ready for it to end and it seems so close and sudden. Our tree has been up for a month, our presents are mostly wrapped and under the tree, and we’ve been bumpin All I Want For Christmas is You pretty constantly. Reese has a whole routine. I’m just so excited. I’ll be cleared for exercise. Stevie’s first Christmas. Fun advent activities. Snuggling up at home. I’m pumped.

Happiest holidays to you all <3