Sustainable isn’t truly the right word, because I don’t care near enough about the environment as I should. But sustainable sounds better than “low maintenance.”

What it boils down to is this: beauty fatigue.

So many factors have converged over the past couple of years that have placed my feet on this path to minimizing, streamlining, and scaling back all of my beauty routines and expectations. But I eventually experienced this pivot in the way I perceive physical appearance, effort, maintenance, and expectations and I think it’s important.

A lot of it was triggered by my postpartum anxiety after Loney. I would cling desperately to things that I thought would help me feel better, related to my appearance. If I have fresh lash extensions I look prettier and more awake, even when I have crying fits. If I wear my postpartum Spanx girdle I’ll look and feel skinnier. I should really stay on top of my hair cut/color. Should I get my eyebrows microbladed? Maybe I need to try intermittent fasting or carb cycling or the oval acrylic nail trend????

And, yeah. I felt 100 emoji with fresh lash extensions. So why was I so frustrated at everything else having to do with them? I felt unreasonable anxiety about scheduling the appointments, finding babysitters, deciding how long to go between fills, spending money on this. Sometimes I’d get twisty lashes or scratchy contacts or I’d feel dry. My lash girl was amazing and I can’t recommend her enough – it wasn’t that. It’s just a tradeoff, and I slowly had to come to the conclusion that the tradeoff wasn’t right for me anymore.

I got some gel nails and then my nails felt weak and sad after only a week when the regrowth began. My lashes were sparse and broken when I weaned from extensions. If I wanted the icy white hair I needed to go every month to cover my dirty blonde roots.

Wait. Do I have to keep doing all of this? All the time? Forever?

I didn’t hit the wall all at once, but at some point I realized I had my back against it.

I read Intuitive Eating. I followed Beauty Redefined. I read Beyond Beautiful. I studied self care. And I realized so many things!

1. Self care is taking CARE of your SELF. It ~can be your appearance, but I’d argue that’s so inferior to taking care of your actual SELF first. Getting a manicure or lashes isn’t really true self care. Tough pill for me to swallow.
2. It’s not good for you if it causes you extra stress and has only temporary positive effects.
3. I… don’t have to??? I don’t have to have perfect nails and a bronzy tan and icy blonde hair and alien white teeth and a 7 step Korean Skin Care routine????? I just… don’t have to?
4. The beauty industry and SATAN benefit from us thinking we need to do and buy and subscribe to certain things to feel good/be happy/exist.
5. I’m here for a long time and I get to choose what I want to be doing or not doing every 4-6 weeks for the rest of my life.
6. I have daughters and I’m accountable for the implicit messages I send about beauty and appearance and worth.

Don’t get me wrong. Y’all know I’m vain as hell. I love watching makeup videos and trying new products and techniques. I always want to look my very glam best. I’m all about pampering and luxury. I 100% would love to live a Real Housewives life where it wasn’t a hassle or financial consideration to regularly get my hair/nails/spray tans/lashes/etc. done. I hold NOTHING against ANYONE who loves these and makes it part of their routine.

I just had to stop. It wasn’t sustainable for me. I realized I didn’t want it. I didn’t want temporary beauty and confidence that I had to pay for and come back for a recharge, stressed about babysitting and scheduling and maintenance and discomfort. I realized I felt addicted – I was “naked” without extensions, self-conscious when my gel nails were growing out, worried that my mom-rolls and garment lines were too visible because I didn’t want to wear a girdle.

Now I’m doing something different. I’m thinking long term. I’m willing to put in work and consistency and even money. But I have been spending a lot of time thinking about WHY I’m doing the things I’m doing for my appearance, and where it will put me in 4 weeks, 6 months, a year, 10 years, 25 years.

I intend to be a trophy wife, y’all. I wanna be HOT. But I also don’t want to waste time, energy, and money on temporary things that might actually hurt me long term. I want to create good habits that protect my health and elevate my baseline appearance in a permanent and sustainable way. Here’s my plan right now.

Daily Skincare

I posted all about this as part of my 30 for 30. Investing in good products and routine for making my skin look healthier and prettier makes way more sense than dropping money and time and stress on things that last two weeks.

Now I focus on washing my face, using SPF and tailored treatments, and giving my skin/hair/nails more time to just breathe.

Stop Damage

This isn’t the case for everyone, but regular gel nails make my nails weak and brittle and sensitive. Prolonged addiction to lash extensions thinned, broke, and shortened my lashes. Constant bleaching fries hair; it’s just science. Is a beauty routine hurting me? I should… stop.

I’ll still try a gel nail here and there – they’re so freaking gorgeous and so nice when you have a vacation or birth a baby or for a fun birthday outing with your 5 year old! But for the most part I’m done doing stuff that requires babying and recovery after each treatment.

Healthier Habits

It’s one billion percent healthier, cheaper, and more effective to drink more water to improve my life and appearance than it is to pay for monthly facials. Crest Whitestrips are only going to further damage my teeth if I’m not brushing more carefully and actually flossing. Getting restful sleep can make me look better every day, without expensive appointments.

Isn’t it stupid that the world has convinced us we need to buy expensive products and treatments to look good, when in reality most of us would look and feel better if we were simply living healthier lives FOR FREE???

I’m taking daily vitamins and the supplements recommended by my doctor based on my blood work (SPOILER ALERT I ALWAYS NEED IRON). I’ve reframed my eating habits as ways to fuel and feel amazing. I now try to drink 64 oz of water a day – which I almost never hit, and is surely still not enough – but it’s a good step for me.

Long Term Play

I’m trying to think about the the hot PTA mom I want to be. I don’t want to incur a huge beauty debt of addictive habits and behaviors for her. I want her to be as naturally beautiful as she can be.

The best example of this is how I’ve changed my hair plan (mostly thanks to Jasmine Hair Co on insta). Instead of bleaching the hell out of my hair every 4-6 weeks I’ve switched to lowlights with my bleach and smudging out the root so I can go closer to 3 months between colors. I’m consciously hair training (I’m not oily so I used to go like 7-9 days, but I’m gonna try to get up to 2 weeks between washes!!!!!), regularly using heat protect spray and deep conditioners, and focusing more on my scalp. My goal is to grow thicker, longer, healthier hair that requires low maintenance and looks better naturally.

Upgrades

Right now and in the near future my focus is obviously just getting “baygul” here healthy and safe, and recovering well. I’d say probably for the next year that’ll be all I worry about. But then I do have some plans for things I would like to do, with a general rule of thumb being that it needs to significantly improve my life/appearance while being low maintenance and cost-effective.

If none of these happen, I’ll still be ok and 100% happy with my strong, awesome body. They’d be nice, though. I truly believe it’s ok to want to maximize and beautify what we’ve been given, however that might look to each of us. No hate, no shame in our vanity game.

Enough

At the end of the day the most important, baseline thing was an overhaul of my mental health and self-image.

I’m enough without glossy lacquered nails, lush lashes, perfect tan, snappy Spanx, or a magazine cover smile.

I’m enough with stretch marks, melting mascara, chipped polish, dark circles, messy buns.

I’m enough at every single weight – which I don’t even check anymore since throwing out my scale.

I’m enough in a planned outfit and full hair & makeup for a date, and I’m enough in Star Wars tees and leggings on my couch.

I’m enough if I eat carbs and choose Diet Coke and inhale popcorn and workout.

I don’t have to look perfect or match a certain trend to be loved or noticed or helpful or smart or valuable. And THAT’S the message I want my girls to get. They don’t have to get (insert their generation’s version of microblading or lip fillers) just because it feels like a normal requirement. They don’t have to diet. They don’t have to.

We are here to live and love and become something better. We can do things that make us feel good and happier in the world – even if they’re as silly as smearing goop on our faces or yanking hair from our bodies. We can take some pride in how we look. But always with the realization that it’s temporary and unnecessary.

I wish I’d given myself this permission years ago. So if you need it – here it is. Your permission to quit your toxic beauty habits and trend chasing. Your permission to give up on dieting or crossfit or hair coloring or manicures.

But only if you want to. <3