Religion might seem like an outdated, stupid, naive thing these days. I know lots of “tHe WoRlD” lives in a more sophisticated and rational zone that leaves little room for any organized church, or belief in something that is difficult, if not impossible, to definitively prove.

I have two university degrees, believe in science, support gay marriage, and I’ve never seen an angel or heard a voice from heaven or really had anything tangible on which to hang my faith.

Maybe I’m just here because it’s the path of least resistance when you’re born and raised in Utah County to Scandinavian Mormon pioneer stock. Maybe I’m brainwashed??? Maybe I’m just an ignorant little Christian girl????

There are a few solid reasons I have chosen to stay, and to commit to this system of belief in particular. I *have* had some important spiritual experiences that, though they just happened inside my own body + consciousness, I cannot deny. Warmth, answers, guidance, comfort, strength. Plus, Dumbledore said stuff is real even if it just happens in your head.

The biggest reason I’ve always stayed, though, is a little more selfish and a little more rational. It’s just that it’s safe.

Do you know how much weirdness and danger and embarrassment and risk I avoid by being a Mormon? It’s a lot. When you try to actually live all of the tenets of Mormonism you really do set yourself up for a successful life. You avoid teen pregnancy, DUIs, a variety of addictions, legal entanglements, excessive debt, and various other things that could be damaging and/or trashy.

Unfortunately this is not to say these things aren’t happening within our religion. We can be just as trashy and tacky as everyone else. I’m just saying that IF you really do try to DO the thing, you get to bypass a lot of pain and heartache and embarrassment.

I stay because I can trace everything good I have, have ever had, and likely ever will have to choices I made because of my faith. Even when I did it for the wrong reasons (I’m a rule-follower, I’m a coward, I’m a goody two shoes, It’s just easier to go with the flow), I have reaped the benefits of trying to be a good Mormon every single day.

The way I see it, I have never missed out on anything because I’ve decided to be baptized, read my scriptures daily, live chaste & free from alcohol/drugs/etc, given up tank tops, and given 10% of my money away. Ok, maybe that’s not true. I missed out on a LOT of sleep in the year I served as a Relief Society President.

The way I see it, if at the end of this life I were to find that nothing waited on the other side, or that another religion had it closer to the truth than we did, I’d be surprised, shocked, and disappointed. But I wouldn’t be ashamed. I wouldn’t have changed it. (Not entirely true. I would have been mad that I skipped coffee for all this time for no real reason.)

The way I see it, I have enough reasons to believe and to stay. I’ve seen enough of the fruit that has grown from this tiny seed to want to keep growing it.

And that’s why I have always loved all of 2nd Nephi, even/especially the Isaiah, because 2 Nephi 7-9 are all about God comforting and reassuring His people. He knows we will likely never get to that level of 100% confidence. He knows the world will make us feel naive and stupid and irrational.

But when I read 2 Nephi 7:7 I know that Isaiah understands me. I don’t always know I’ve got it right and I don’t always love everything about the way this church operates or some of the commandments. Things will be hard. We don’t have this totally right. But I do know ONE thing.

“I know that I shall not be ashamed.”