I loved it. I really, really loved it. This year I found myself again, and felt like Danica for the first time in a really, really long time. I’m really proud of where I’m at, and how much work I put in this year.

The biggest message I want to share is that work WORKS. You CAN change your situation. You can be happy and feel good. You can become better. You can rewrite scripts and rewire brains. You can seek and find and give forgiveness. You can do hard things. But it all takes work and it all takes discomfort. You have to be willing to get real, get tough. You have to let go of some things and sometimes you have to give up things you want.

And it was all worth it.

2018 GBOMB

Good

• 2018 was the year I blew the roof off reading. I had a goal to read 3 books a month (my 2018 lineup here), like I’ve done the last few years. But when I really looked at my self care I realized how important reading truly was. I decided to read a little every day and WHAM here I am sitting on over 60 books for the year! See everything I’ve read and follow along with 2019 on my Goodreads.
• DISNEYLAND! This was our “on” year and it was so much freaking fun. We kicked it off with the girls’ birthday trip in February, a quick trip with just our family to surprise Mitch in March, Spring Break & a Red Sox game with my MIL in April, Mickey’s Halloween Party in September, and we’re capping it off with our last trip at the end of January. We have made so many incredible memories and I loved every second.
• Intuitive Eating & Body Positivity! I started out the year by getting really into yoga, and then discovered intuitive eating and exercising. I have never felt this good about my body. I love exercising and don’t need to kick my own rear to do it. I actually listen to my body and it talks to me. I truly feel I hit my goal of being secure in my body and health.
• We got a new nephew! Our first one. Baby Holden absolutely stole our hearts – especially Reese’s. She’s obsessed with him.
• Reese is so smart. We did “homework” during the summer and used a bunch of cool educational apps instead of the black hole of YouTube for her iPad time. We upped her to three days a week of preschool and we’ve watched her speaking, writing, and even reading skills blossom. It’s been so much fun!
• ZOLOFT!!!!! Ok, I’ve basically preached about this nonstop but it’s been incredible. I started it at the beginning of April, at about my year mark of struggling with postpartum anxiety. It took the full six sleepy weeks to start working for me, but when it did… it still makes me cry to think about (post here). I went up a dose twice throughout the year but now I am slowly weaning off and feeling great.
• I left Twitter and never looked back. I loved President Nelson’s social media fast challenge and made a bunch of adjustments to my social media use and I’m hoping to make more.
• Ryan took a new job with Lambda School, got promoted a few times, and is now a Vice President. I am so proud of him and the work they’re doing.
• I quit my writing job(s) and replaced them immediately with being the Relief Society President lol. As stressful and hard and time-consuming and humbling as it’s been, I didn’t think twice about placing it in the “Good” category. It has been nothing short of incredible and I’m so grateful for it.
• This year we have really integrated into our new neighborhood and ward (being the RSP will do that to ya) and it feels so so good to KNOW you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
• This was the most gorgeous, rainy, autumn-y fall I think I’ve ever experienced and I FREAKING LOVED IT. We really soaked up all the seasons this year but autumn the most.
• We went on a trip with our best friends and it was a RIOT. We need to do it every year.

Bad

• Money is easily my biggest failure this year. I wanted to save much more, pay off more, make smart choices, and do better with regularly, daily budgeting. I didn’t. I binge shopped clearance sections and flash sales. I Door Dashed Chipotle basically every two weeks.
• I had this big goal of going to the temple each month. After panic attacks in January and February connected to the temple, I set it aside. I don’t regret it but I also don’t like it. The good news is that this fall I felt ready to start again. I ventured in with family history, found my own names, and started at the beginnings with baptisms which I know and love.
• I worry so much about Loney. I feel such guilt for not spending more dedicated time with her. Should she be speaking better? Should she know her colors and animal sounds? A lot of kids this age do. I feel like I don’t give her nearly enough. Also. She’s a total and complete raccoon and so much harder than we ever thought she’d be. Hello, terrible twos. Thanks for showing up early.
• Honestly my blog felt like the biggest drag. I rarely if ever felt the fire to blog, and I know my quality was poor. I’m still not sure the role this blog will take in the future.
• I am so disappointed in myself for letting my writing skills rust over. Not just with my blog – but with passion projects too. I’m actually starting to dabble in freelance contracts again now that I feel stable in this stage of life. It’s important to me, and I don’t want to take it for granted.
• I loved the social media fast and came back from it with some changes and rules. I deleted apps and unfollowed/muted people and used the screen time monitoring on my iPhone. But now here I am feeling like I’m still mindlessly checking my phone every 4 minutes. I need more self control and prioritization.
• My style has been so stagnant this year. It’s just so far down on my list of priorities. I dress up for church and that’s it. Leggings 4dayz. But my SIL/bestie got me the Amazon Look for Christmas and I’m so pumped to use it to relight a fire in my closet!

On My Brain

• I think it’s time for me to start working again. I am currently looking at some small, part-time gigs in writing, teaching, and the library! I’ve determined that I only want to do stuff that excites me and helps me sharpen the skills I love.
• Babies babies babies. Everyone is pregnant and I can’t stop thinking about Baby Holdy #3! I’m glad we didn’t make that move in 2018 but 2019 is a different story. It’s difficult, though. How do you plan for a year that ~could have a baby? If Ryan gets his way (no more babies ever under any circumstances) then my 5k, travel, finance, and work plans are all pretty clear. But I really really would love to have a baby, and would happily derail all of that. We’ll see.
• My ward has split twice since we’ve moved here. It’s likely to split again in 2019. As the Relief Society President I sometimes face decisions or planning and stop to think “Well, if we split…” but then “I need to give my best every day and act as if I’m in this for the full 3whatever years.” Most of the time I’m leading with a foot in each camp, making decisions I feel are best for right now and the long term, with some thought to a potential split/me being released. It’s exhausting and important to me for some reason?
• How do I balance social media better? I loved kicking Twitter to the curb – do I need to do that with Instagram or Facebook? Facebook is the obvious choice, except that it’s so dead useful for groups which I NEED. What kind of rules can I set that I’ll actually stick to and like?

I nailed SECURE 2018. I am so happy with this year. I can sign my name to it with pride. I’m really excited to enter 2019 with this great momentum and the strongest foundation I’ve ever had.