Self Esteem.

Did your palms start sweating? Acne scars start throbbing? A quick flash of middle school before your eyes?

It’s ok. Self esteem isn’t a box you check and have conquered for the rest of your life. Self esteem is a spectrum, and fluctuates sometimes dramatically. You can have high self esteem in school and low self esteem in the gym in the same day. A lot of my mom friends have shared with me how their self esteem was AWESOME until they had kids. Know. That. Feel.

Self esteem is the way you see yourself. Are you a good person? Smart person? Effective? Strong? Annoying? Boring? Pretty? Self esteem is confidence and comfort in exactly who you are, and being able to see exactly who that is.

Introspection

It begins inside you – it doesn’t come from someone else. Do you like yourself? If not, why? It’s time to really face that. How do you feel about who you are and what you’re doing right now? Sit with it. Pray about it, if that’s your thing. Resist the urge to grab your phone or turn on the tv or radio. Really, REALLY sit with it.

Consider who you were last year or five years ago. Are you better now? Consider who you’d like to be in five years. How do you want other people to see you? (I mean, really truly you shouldn’t care but it can help paint a nice picture that helps you identify characteristics.)

Build

At this stage you start feeding your need for self-esteem, respect, and recognition. Basically you need to understand what you’re doing every day and why you’re doing it. Most of us also need to feel that OTHER people appreciate and respect what we’re doing everyday.

For me, this meant cataloging my strengths and taking the time to recognize the things I’m doing ~right. Through therapy, talking with people who love me, and journaling I was able to practice some good introspection that helped feed my need for self-esteem and self-respect. I’m still working on it – right now I’m reading Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff that is helping me focus on good things instead of criticizing, which breaks down self-esteem.

Build your self esteem by realizing what you contribute and the value you bring to the world. Celebrate the good things you’re doing and progress you make. Maybe you need to “It’s A Wonderful Life” – it and think about how much you positively impact the world, even if it feels like you’re just changing diapers or filling spreadsheets all day.

Daily Work

A lot of people get their self esteem self care from their jobs, so you can consider getting a job or side hustle, changing jobs, or devoting yourself to meaningful work in your current jobs. Having that meaning, or even just the monetary value, that comes from a job might be all your self esteem needs.

MOMS. Hi. Sorry. This is a tough spot for us. The people we spend all day working for are often aggressively unappreciative of our efforts. It can make self-esteem and recognition difficult to attain. Try looking at your efforts from the eyes of your children. They love you. They got dino buddies for lunch. They feel safe and loved. Understanding this, and keeping in mind the “why” of your day-to-day work can boost your self-esteem in low moments.

Respect

In the end, you deserve respect. You deserve to like who you are. You deserve to feel like your existence is meaningful and the world is better with you in it.

If you feel unrecognized in your marriage, your job, your church calling, or anywhere else you’re working hard then it might be time to have a conversation or to assess your expectations and involvement. Self esteem isn’t dependent on getting gold stars from your boss or warm hugs from your kids. But if it’s impacting your ability to feel confident in what you do, then it’s something to consider.

Treat yourself like you would a dear friend, and your self esteem will blossom. Be generous with yourself. Choose to see and pursue the best version of yourself.

This is why you do all that boring stuff first. So that when you get here, nearing the top of the pyramid, everything you do is easier and more effective. You already have so much progress to be proud of – your self esteem has probably already strengthened!

If you need a personal cheerleader/hype girl… you know where to find me.