Hot topic these days, I know. But now I really do ~know. I have learned so much about self-care in the last year, as it has gone hand in hand (in hand) with therapy and medication. I will probably always be adjusting my personal self-care regimen, but as of now I’m in a really REALLY good place with it and I want to share what I’ve learned.

What is Self Care?

Self care is not just for people with mental illness. It’s not just for exhausted moms and overworked employees. It’s not just a millennial thing, either. Self care is for everyone who wants to be happy and successful. Self care is for YOU and you can improve it with just a little awareness.

First, lets be careful to define self care. My intellectual soulmate Jessica sent me this and it was PERFECT. Read it. Seriously, right now. It’s not long. I’ll wait.

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Wasn’t that great?! My favorite part was the idea that self-care is building a life you don’t need to escape. Sure, self care can be a bath bomb and a candy bar. But be wary of the consumer culture surrounding the self care trend. Sometimes buying things or taking a vacation is exactly what you need, but if you’re not ~also identifying stress points and creating healthy routines then it’s just going to be a temporary escape.

Self care is daily. Self care is self awareness. Self care is often not glamorous or insta-worthy. Self care is totally personal.

How do I start?

Well first you need to buy in to the idea that you’re worth taking care of. I find this especially hard for young moms. We should be spending every ounce of ourselves on our families, right? We’re too exhausted to take an extra hour after bedtime to do “self care” especially because I just told you that scarfing down a candy bar in the pantry doesn’t count.

You are worth it. You deserve to like your life. You deserve to be happy and feel good in your mind and body and home. A little bit of effort CAN make a difference. Self care will minimize mental and emotional breakdowns. Self care will increase your patience and love for your family. Self care will make you better in every way. It’s only gonna work once you believe this.

Ask yourself “what happens if I continue just the way I am?” For me, it meant a house that was never clean, my skin would be terrible, I’d hate the way I looked, gain unhealthy weight and be completely out of shape. My kids would be addicted to Netflix and mac n cheese. My relationships would suffer and I’d resent my responsibilities – including motherhood. It was, quite frankly, unsustainable.

Maybe like me you were waiting for something. Once I feel better… Once my kid is out of this developmental stage… When I graduate… When this season is over… Once I get that raise… NOPE. Stop waiting. No matter how temporary or impossible your current situation might be, self care is worth it. Right now. Let’s get started.

Meeting Needs

Think about your Tamagotchi. Did you ever focus on the fun stuff and totally neglect the necessary stuff? Yeah, maybe, but it killed your poor little buddy. If you wanted to have fun you had to take care of it. But now we’re dummies who can’t apply those same principles to OUR LITERAL SELVES. We push for the fun, big, visual stuff and neglect the daily, boring stuff. Then we wonder why we’re so tired and stressed and unhappy. We learned this in 2nd grade, fam. Those tamagotchis were trying to teach us all along.

Let’s take a look at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Looks like my college degree was good for something. Modern social media and extreme access to a wide range of options have turned this pyramid upside down. We’re pursuing self-actualization and esteem needs without solidifying our base first. There’s a reason the base of the pyramid is the boring stuff!!! We gotta stop being bored by it.

Take a little self-assessment. Where are you, just for today? Have you cleared all of your physiological needs (sleep, food, water, shelter, basic health)? How about safety and security (money can fall in this category)? Belonging – how are your relationships with people you love? Chances are you already hit some snags with the base of the pyramid. But keep going. Truly assess where you’re spending your time, because most of us (notably those of us who feel unfulfilled and unhappy) are trying to skip ahead to the top of the pyramid, flipping it on its tip and trying desperately to balance it on the razor edge.

Wipe the Slate

While on my self-care discovery journey (I’ve been watching a lot of the Bachelorette lately can you tell) I had a friend recommend this ebook – You Do You: A How To by Julie Taylor. It’s only 55 pages, only $10, and so so so helpful. This isn’t even sponsored I just really loved it.  She shares her route to self-care and real, actual steps you can take to uncovering your own self-care regimen that works for you. I appreciated that so much. She talks about identifying your values and being ok with them.

My favorite part was where she says so many people value being early risers, so if you’re not an early riser you can feel like you SHOULD be, like it’s a higher value and better in some way. You will spend your whole life fighting your true nature and hating it, not even enjoying the things everyone says are so great about being an early riser, and then feeling bad or guilty or lazy when you do sleep late. Why? It’s ok to just say “I don’t value that. I am a night owl and that’s ok. I’m gonna be cool with that and not feel like I have to value something other people value.” AMEN SISTER.

The way you begin is by eliminating prreeeeeeeeeetty much everything. Temporarily. Cancel your plans. Skip this month’s book club. Take a gym break. Throw out your to-do list. Are you guys worried about me yet? I know. None of this sounds very Danica, but it’s exactly what I needed to do – and you do too! Try it for a day first, then maybe a week. I basically did it for all of May and it was AMAZING. Cancel everything you can possibly cancel. Find substitutes for anything you can. Wipe the slate so you can start clean. (Deleting almost every app and taking a break on tv shows and podcasts can be a nice step too.)

I know. You’re busy. You’re a mom. You’re a student. You’re a stressed employee. You may not be able to cut out much. But you can probably cut out ~something. Maybe you have to postpone for a a week or two – or even for a season. Just really consider what you *must* do and say no to everything else. It’s just temporary, and it gives you the space to work on the essentials.

What’s Next?

Check out the next post where we start with the base of your pyramid – physiological needs. From there we climb the pyramid to safety, then love & belonging, and then the stuff we usually put our focus on – accomplishment and self-actualization.

See ya then to get your self-care on <3