If there’s one thing I learned in the process of scheduling therapy is that it is unreasonably hard for someone who needs help to get help. It’s totally possible, of course, and WELL worth it. All I mean is that someone who is nervous, depressed, scared, or in another fragile mental state has to summon a lot of courage and jump through a lot of hoops – including phone calls (! we’re millennials!!) and minor disappointments in order to find a therapist. The last thing they should encounter when they’re finally at a point where they can admit to needing help.

Where my last post was more narrative, this one is intended to be more practical and informative. The majority of questions I received were about therapy and medication, so I’ll try to answer those as best I can. Please remember that I’m no expert, and my experience may not translate to your life. I’m just sharing what I know, what I’ve learned. Here goes.

When to Go

Honestly, I’m not sure, but I’d say when your mental state is interfering with your daily life. If you are no longer able to do regular things, or the things you love. If you are failing to do things you need to do. If you have changed the way you live. If you feel like someone else is in the driver’s seat in your brain. If your brain feels like a messy junk drawer that needs organization.

Therapy is for everyone. Everyone needs therapy. I truly believe that. It can benefit even the happiest, most well-adjusted person. You don’t need to have trauma or something definitive to talk about. I highly recommend following @MindfulCounseling on Instagram to see what therapy is kind of like (she has a podcast too).

How to Find a Therapist

There may be a better way, but here’s how I did it. First, I pulled up my insurance and searched for mental health providers. Most insurance companies should have an online provider search you can use. From there I narrowed to a 10 mile radius, and filtered by anxiety and maybe postpartum depression? I can’t remember exactly but there were options to filter or sort by specialty. I have found several sources that say you shouldn’t go to someone who doesn’t have a specialty, or someone who doesn’t specialize in your needs. Psychology Today is a good site to find therapists too.

I found one that looked awesome, so I called, all fired up. Turns out that therapist wasn’t taking patients. It doesn’t say that online. Ok. On to the next. I called probably 4-5 different counseling practices and left messages or was told they weren’t taking new patients. Finally I found one who had an opening in September (it was currently the second week in July). I felt desperate, urgent, hearing a fever pitch. I needed to see someone sooner than that, which I know is a common feeling for people who are finally ready to get help.

The next one I called could see me in two weeks, she was nearby in Orem, and specialized in anxiety, postpartum, and women’s stuff primarily. I booked it, keeping my other appointment in September, just in case.

One thing I didn’t do but I might advise others to do is to see if there are free consultations or brief meetings, then to meet with a few. This is offered at some practices to provide a risk-free way to test things out and see if you jive with the therapist. You can also ask around for recommendations if you are ok being public with it. (There’s nothing wrong with wanting to keep it private, too!)

While you’re on your insurance page, check out what your co-pay will be so you’re not surprised at the first session. There are also lots of therapists that offer affordable out-of-pocket care. And when you call to schedule your appointment just verify that they do take your insurance, because there have been mistakes online with my insurance provider list.

Your First Session

This is based only on my experience, but a general idea could be helpful. It’s normal to be 50% terrified and 50% excited. It’s normal to consider cancelling 20x in the day leading up to your appointment. In my experience, you feel incredibly mentally healthy a few days before your appointment, leading you to conclude that you’re fine and don’t need help. Just try. Push through and give it your best effort.

They’ll probably have you go a little early to fill out insurance paperwork, personal information, and a survey or three. They’ll have you rank your emotions and medical history, main concerns, etc. Be honest with them. It’s all to help you, not to label you one way or another.

And then it’s insanely awkward for the first few minutes lol. You are resisting against the coming vulnerability. Maybe you’re already trying not to cry. Not that *I’ve* experienced that. (P.S. don’t hold back tears or any other emotion in sessions. It’s not worth the effort, and letting it all go can help with breakthroughs!!)

Your therapist will probably ask general questions to get to know you, ask what you’ve been going through that’s brought you in, and then most likely dive into your upbringing. Yep, you’re gonna have to talk about your childhood. Go with it. It matters.

If you don’t feel like you got into the actual issue, that’s ok. They have to get some foundation before they can start helping. If you really didn’t get a good vibe from them, try someone else! But if you feel ok about the therapist I highly encourage you to do at least one more session beyond the initial one, because then they’ll know enough to start helping you.

What is Therapy Like?

It’s like whatever you want it to be like. With my therapist, she asks how I’ve been doing and what I’d like to talk about. In the early sessions she would have prompts or ideas when I didn’t know what was happening or what I needed to address. But now I can come in and talk about whatever I need help with.

You sit there and get to talk to your heart’s content (well, for 60 minutes) while someone listens, totally without judgment or interruption. In turn, they’ll ask clarifying questions and help you see perspectives your brain can’t come up with on it’s own. They tell you what’s normal and what you’re just telling yourself is normal. They talk you through the thought process you need, and help you develop new ways of thinking. They help you figure out why you do all that weird sh*t you do. They help you stop doing all that toxic sh*t you do.

They help you breathe again.

How Often Do You Go?

It depends. At first I went weekly until the panic started to subside. Then it was every two weeks. In the fall I started feeling really good and didn’t have much to talk about in my sessions, so I dropped down to once a month. In fact, in November I thought I might even be done, and told her I’d call her after the holidays. L O L because the move completely unhinged me again and I was back in 2 weeks. Now I just try to go consistently every 2-3 weeks and I’m hoping when medication kicks in I might be able to do once a month. The goal is to get to a place where I don’t need to go anymore, but I’m not in a rush. It really is so great, you guys.

What Do You Have to ~Do?

I don’t really know, but this was a question that slid into my DMs a bunch. I went into this therapy thing really committed. Like, yes, I’m an overachiever, but I also just really, really needed to get better. So I took it really seriously. Immediately after each session I journal. Sometimes I take notes if we’re really getting into something I want to remember. This has been super helpful for remembering the work I’ve done and referring back to past sessions. I usually talk things through with Ryan sometime after my session too.

Early on, we worked through specific concepts, so she sent me home with some packets to read that included worksheets that helped me to consciously rewrite some scripts my brain was stuck on. It was so helpful. Because I’m a nerd who loves homework.

I like to leave with applications and goals, so I usually figure out something I want to work on in the coming weeks. In the same vein, I usually try to take notes on things that happen between sessions that cause anxiety or mess me up and then address them in my next session.

And all you REALLY have to do is be honest. Don’t hold back or worry that they’re judging you or think you’re weird. They can’t help you if you give them the skim milk version. Get real and get ugly. I’d venture to say that many people in our generation have never truly done that, and it’s scary. But it’s so, so worth it.

How Does It Help?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. It’s sorting the junk drawer in your brain. So when I have 3,000 thoughts that are all spinning around and fighting each other, therapy helps me to slooooooooow down and address each thought and put it back where it goes.

Therapy helps me to identify things that are harmful, toxic, and flat out wrong in my brain. So much going on in there is BS! So many thoughts are exhausting me, dragging me down.

Therapy helps me when I have drama or conflict going on in my life. When I don’t know what to do or say, or how to handle a situation or person. My therapist has absolutely no skin in the game and a nonjudgmental perspective, meaning she tells me when I’m being ridiculous or passive aggressive and gives me better strategies for dealing with tough stuff.

Therapy unpacks your childhood. The way you were raised. Weird things that happened. Why you love and hate and overreact to the things you do. It’s been so interesting to discover core values that drive my actions. And it’s been one of the healthiest moves I’ve made when I had the breakthrough about my childhood and values not being transferable. Basically I assume everyone was raised like I was, or should have been, so they should have the same values and judgement and anything else is wrong/bad/inferior/dangerous. Not true! I still have to fight it every day but it’s made it so much easier to live with compassion and to rest a little.

What Does It Cost?

This will really depend on your insurance and the therapist you see. Call your insurance to see what is covered. It may not be covered, or it may be covered with a copay that will depend on your plan and deductible. Just for a general example, my therapist’s hourly rate is $95 but my copay is $30.  Yours could be higher or lower than that, depending. There are online and video therapy options too that might be more affordable (Talkspace is one I’ve heard advertised and Mindful Counseling does video group therapy and individual messaging services). LDS Family Counseling is also available to individuals in need, so talking to a bishop can give you more options. I know that BYU and other schools can offer subsidized counseling services, too.

This can be an obstacle for some people, for sure. There were months where I couldn’t stop thinking “We are working so hard and saving up for our house down payment. Can we really afford to pay for therapy and childcare while I go to appointments?” It can seem excessive and impossible. Irresponsible, even! But I can assure you that it isn’t. Therapy is something that can help your entire family, and it is investing in your future.

Often the appointments are during the day, which can make child care more difficult. Most of my appointments I’ve been able to line up friends or family to watch my kids, but last summer I used my paid YW babysitter and sometimes I get her to watch my girls for afternoon appointments when they’re after school. Don’t let child care get in the way of therapy, if you need it. Find someone in your ward or neighborhood who wouldn’t mind doing a babysitting swap. Ask around. It can be hard to communicate, but sharing that you’re trying to get help with postpartum depression or anxiety can show you just how supportive people are about helping with your recovery.

In my post tomorrow I’ll talk about other things you can do to improve your postpartum depression and anxiety, especially if you simply can’t afford or manage to attend therapy appointments.

Can They Prescribe Medication?

If you see a psychiatrist, they can prescribe you medication. But psychiatrists tend to be more expensive and a little trickier to get into. A licensed therapist cannot prescribe you medication, but they can help you work through your concerns and issues with or without medication.

When I first went in, my goal was to fix it without medication if possible. She thought that was great and never pushed or suggested medication. But a couple of months ago when I felt I had hit a plateau of progress and was still really struggling I asked her about medication and she said she thought I would benefit, and said to talk to my doctor about it. So I went in to see my doctor, did a blood test to see where my thyroid and anemia were at (contributing factors!!), and then she gave me a prescription for Zoloft. I think it cost me like $9 to fill.

Now, of course medication is different for everyone. But they started me on a really low dose and we’ll observe and up it slowly until I find a “sweet spot.” It’s been one week and I’ve noticed some small changes, so I’m excited to see more. I go back after a month on it to check in.

Bottom Line: Therapy has been incredible for me, and has done so much more than just postpartum anxiety care. I feel so much more emotionally, mentally, and spiritually healthy and I’m so so grateful for the things I’ve learned that I now have for the rest of my life. If you’re struggling with postpartum or any type of anxiety or depression, it’s very much worth your consideration.

What I want people to know is that therapy is awesome and it can absolutely improve your situation. There is help out there. Things can improve. You don’t have to do it by yourself, and there’s nothing wrong with getting help from a professional brain organizer.