I’m not sure anyone follows intently enough to notice but I straight up skipped Tuesday’s post. It was on my t0-do list since last Wednesday. I had a list of 4 different potential topics to write about. I kept putting it off and putting it off. Monday night I thought “I REALLY need to write that post for tomorrow… but I can just write it and post it ON Tuesday and it still counts.” Tuesday ended up being busier than I expected, but then when I actually sat down to write I thought – “It counts… it counts for what? Credit? Grades? Compensation? Ratings? What does it count for? Just my New Years Resolution goal, I guess.”

That’s all good and fine. I love my New Years Resolutions. They push me to do things that I ~want to do and sometimes need prompting to do. Reading 3 books a month, for example, is something I genuinely love to do and makes me a better, smarter person. I just needed some structure and prodding to get it done. That was the case for my blog last year too. I wanted to be more serious, more structures. I learned a lot and my blog evolved to a more “legit” place. But as I sat there realizing I was trying to force myself to blog I just said “why?” Sometimes I have to force myself to read when I’d rather watch The Office, but I understand deep down that I’ll be glad I did – I’ll have received something from the experience.

For the last couple of weeks I’ve found myself dragging my feet to blog. I made a lot of excuses for it – some days I was really fighting my postpartum anxiety, some days I was just so crazy busy, some days I knew my content wasn’t gonna be good, some days I felt so gross about the photos I took. I powered through it, until Tuesday. Why? Why am I doing this? Unlike reading or exercise or work or chores, blogging doesn’t have consistent benefits. Don’t get me wrong – I love it. I don’t think I’ll ever ~not blog. But the benefits come when I’m feeling inspired and happy about blogging, never when I’m forcing it. I realized the “blog twice a week” thing was more about scheduling logistics than any real goal.

So I ditched Tuesday. And it felt good. And then Wednesday I woke up excited to write my GBOMB and with a list of several more post ideas that I’m actually interested in writing. I’m gonna chase that. I’m revising my New Years Resolution – blog twice a week as long as I have good content that I’m happy to write about. I think it will benefit us all. Y’all don’t wanna read junk. If that’s all I learned in March it would be worth it. But I have a lot more to show for March so here goes.

Good

• Turns out I am OBSESSED with the blooming trees. Ryan is so sick of hearing me say “oh look at THAT ONE!!” and stopping to take pictures. Spring is great.
• On Monday I got cleared to exercise!! I’ve been doing some light exercise, but now I’m ramping up!! I’ve already drafted up a workout schedule and made Zumba plans!!!!!
• Malone has started smiling!!! We really have to work for it, but it’s the best.
• I am proud of myself for breastfeeding. I know lots of women do it for a full year nbd, and some with significant challenges. And I am totally on board with formula feeding! It’s just as good! (Interesting article about breastfeeding benefits not being as strong as we thought.) Not what I’m saying here. I just had goals for this time around. Luckily both of my girls have been really good at it and we haven’t had issues. But with Reese I was so weird about breastfeeding anywhere but my couch with my boppy. I relied on formula and pumping. I had terrible posture so my back and shoulders always hurt. I quit around 5 months. Totally fine! But this time I wanted to go longer, have better posture, and be more committed. It’s going so well and I know it’s dumb but I am proud!
• We haven’t taken any vacations/trips since October but now we have 4 St. George trips planned for April and May LOL.
• The Beard starts a new job on Tuesday! For those of you counting at home this is job #4 in the past year laughing emoji eyeroll emoji. We were sad to leave Podium, where he’s been since October, but he got a really great offer from a super cool company that he’s admired for a long time so he made the jump. They make an app that allows you to scan your grocery items as you shop, pay through the app, and walk out! Check it out! Startups might be the death of me, but at least they’re cool.
• General Conference this weekend homies!!!! One of the two best weekends of the year!!!!
• I have done some bomb shopping lately. I sometimes wish I didn’t love shopping so much but I DO. It just feels so great to find stuff that I love and great deals and cute things for my girls.
• Two weeks in a row of attending all of church! It feels so good. I’m grateful and happy.
• Reese has responded to Malone so so well. I wasn’t really sure what to expect or what I wanted. But she has landed in this perfect place. She likes Malone – brings her binkies, gives her kisses, holds her hand. But she isn’t obsessed with her or in her face either. She doesn’t get jealous or aggressive, which can be a normal response for a toddler. She’s just living her life, unthreatened but interested. I’m so grateful.
• I completed the Michelle Money makeup course and revamped my makeup routine. Post forthcoming!!!
• We went cold turkey on Reese’s binky and it was tough for a day or two and now she is broken of it! Such a champ. Luv her. 

Bad

• You guys. I know I’m a broken record here. But while I truly love my body and I’m so proud of it… I still see myself 360 degrees in the baby monitor at an unsuspecting moment and want to cry a lil bit.
• I have had a lot of postpartum anxiety days where I am just convinced that everyone hates me, no one likes me, everyone is nice to my face but talks crap on me in private, and I DESERVE IT.
• Reese has had a TON of screentime this month. So much. I don’t really believe screen time is a huge problem per se – I don’t try to stick to 30 mins or anything like that. I think the bigger issue is making sure your kid gets book time and creative time and physical play time and one-on-one time with you as a parent. When we hit all of those I don’t feel guilty if Reese has more than 30 mins of screen time. But we have not been hitting all of those and she’s still getting tons of screentime so… goal for April.
• I made a big comprehensive spring cleaning plan. L. O. L. None of it got done. Starting over next week.

On My Brain

• I think it’s time to cut my hair. I have only gone back and forth on it 100x so I think I’m finally ready. Maybe.
• The Up and Vanished podcast! We’ve been listening when we go on poke drives (for Ryan to catch pokemon and spin poke stops. Yes, he’s still playing.) and it’s FASCINATING!!
• Live-tweeting General Conference is one of my favorite things, but I’ve been thinking a lot over the past few weeks that maybe this one is one I should skip. I’m not really sure why, but it’s just been on my brain for weeks now. Part of it is I have two kids (and one is a toddler) making it harder to listen AND take notes AND live tweet AND stay up on all the live tweets in realtime. Part of it is we’ll be watching with my family, where I usually prefer to watch alone at home. Part of it is me actively trying to remove extras from my life that I, as an Upholder, feel this weird obligation to do even when they add stress. So I think I’m probably just gonna watch and take notes this time. We’ll see.
• My new eye cream and when I will get botox. No shame.
• Do you guys feel like this election has ruined or fundamentally changed your relationship with some people? I have realized lately that some of my relationships with friends, family, and acquaintances have changed – maybe irreversibly. Some are good. Most I think are… not bad? Just… different. Some people because of their opinions, some because of the ~way they express their opinions, some because of the way they react to other people’s opinions. And I know that my opinions and responses have changed the way other people see me too. I really just wish this whole election hadn’t happened, for a number of reasons. I wonder if we’ll ever come back from it.
• If you are one of the 3 people on earth who haven’t seen this article shared on Facebook, let me share it with you. It’s a lesson I have been learning the last year. Where I used to be on the hella judgy side of it, I have found myself more and more on the judged side of it as I’ve screwed up and tried to repent and improve. I realized how hard it is to change, and how much I hate being defined by something I once did, or the person I once was. “They know that what they’ve been doing was wrong. They don’t need someone else to remind them about it.” May I remember this always, and may those in my life remember it for me too. I suck. Please know that I know this, and just be nice to me anyways. Gonna try to do the same.
• On the religious tick, my good friend Abi killed it again with a blog post about those who fit and those who don’t. I’ve been a Martha/Obedient Older Brother most of my life, and I have a lot of feelings about it. This blog post really did help me confront it in a more healthy way.
• More insightful religious stuff. Sorry guys, I’m not sorry. I have needed stuff like this lately because my testimony is in a state of rapid change – I think in a good way? but I have really appreciated stuff like this that helps remind me I am still a good, trying, Mormon person even when I have questions and doubt.
• FEMINISM. I just have so many feelings about it you guys. I know it’s a confusing area for a lot of people, and I genuinely feel like there’s so much misinformation out there about it. If you’re a feminist-hater – let’s talk. It’s ok. I just don’t want you to be.
• I just really love my husband, you guys. I don’t post about it often. I don’t talk about it often. We’re really private about our relationship, even with our friends and family. But this new stage of life has created this deeper, different love. They say having kids won’t solve your problems, but honestly it has made our marriage – a union of two strong minded and independent people – easier and more unified. It has been such a nice surprise.

April is kicking off with a lot of goals and changes. Diet and Exercise. Spring Cleaning. A couple of new freelance gigs. The Beard’s new job. I’m looking forward to this weekend for some peace, inspiration, answers, and love.