It’s kind of weird and pathetic that I’ve reached the “DONE.” stage of this pregnancy at 38 weeks, because honestly even at 5 days overdue with Reese I still felt relatively fine. I was huge, achy, tired, and done… but I don’t think I ever hit a point where I was DONE done. I hit that yesterday.

You know on The Office when Pam says “When one person is freaking out it weirdly makes the other one calmer. That’s one thing I’ve learned about relationships. I hate that I just used the word relationship.” when she’s talking about Michael losing it? Generally, The Beard is Michael and I’m Pam. He is the most level-headed, even keeled guy 99% of the time. But he is a BASKET. CASE. whenever there’s stressful stuff going on, particularly (men, eyeroll) when there’s nothing he can do about it. It’s mostly cute and manageable. I’m actually really functional under stress. My body goes into overtime, I shut down emotion and I just HANDLE. I’m proud of that, although in times of crisis I can sometimes be a little brash or insensitive (deaths, funerals, etc.) because I just kind of box out the emotions.

So last time around when we were just sitting around waiting for Reese he was losing his mind but I was just merrily bouncing on my ball and deep cleaning areas around the house. When we had the hemorrhage I stayed pretty detached, though very concerned, while he was this wound up ball of stress like I’d never seen him. I had to go into Labor & Delivery last week due to decreased movement (everything totally fine and normal) and he was, to quote his own words, “spiraling.”

But yesterday it was my turn to be Michael, and I’m really hoping by the time this post goes live tomorrow I’ve turned back into Pam. I’m only 38 weeks. Technically I could have 2+ more weeks of this! I had ~just stopped teaching at this point last pregnancy. This pregnancy has been physically pretty easy and I know I am SO SO FORTUNATE. But yesterday…

My contractions aren’t really painful, and they aren’t that frequent. But I’ve been having them on and off for a few days. I’m not sleeping, so I’m exhausted. I’d love to sleep or even just sit and rest, but I’m restless and jittery. I feel low-key sick, which is apparently a sign of going into labor soon. I have a bunch of the other “labor is near!!!!!” symptoms, and I’ve had them for a week or two now. It’s so exciting! This whole pregnancy I kind of thought “wow! Maybe I’ll actually go into labor this time! Maybe she’ll come early!” I really thought I had those vibes. But I’ve also had all the signs since 36 weeks, and no baby.

Which is great! Totally fine! Extra time to cook in there and extra time for me to tackle the insane Danica To-Do List!!! But does it have to be so mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually taxing? Apparently. And you know? It’s totally worth it. I know I’ll forget all about this and do it all again in a heartbeat. It’s just that I’m Michael-Scott-ing right now, and it kind of feels good to go impulse retail therapy shopping at the mall and cry on the floor of the shower and cuss a lot.

Soon that beautiful (hopefully) baby will be in my arms. Soon I’ll be happy-tired, instead of crazy-tired. Soon I’ll be pounds lighter. Soon I’ll be a mom of two.

Soon might be this week, which I worried about. Doc said I am “so close” and that I better get to the hospital fast as soon as there are any signs because it will be a very quick process. Please Lord don’t let it be too quick for an epidural. Please. I’m so DONE that it sounds great to go into labor soon and meet this little nugget. BUT.

Reese’s 2nd birthday is Friday and I’d rather not have them share, and I’d rather not miss it (she won’t know but *I* will!!!!). I still have plenty to do and finish this week. And my little Type A heart just longs for that certainty that Monday’s induction will give me. Packed bags. Times to arrive. Reese happily situated with Mamaw & Bampa. But Monday is also 6 days away and these last several days have made me feel like I cannot endure 6 more.

Tell me I can endure 6 more! Tell me this baby is gonna be a snuggler with a full head of hair! Tell me I can have as many of the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center cafeteria Oreo shakes as I want because they’re just so freaking good! Tell me my Insta game is about to jump to the next level! Tell me I’ll be able to take ibuprofen and sleep on my belly and flip the bird to heartburn soon!

Ok thank you. I can do this. Lord beer me strength.