Yeah, it’s like 3 days to Christmas and I should be writing something festive and merry. But that’s just what the third trimester does to a woman. Makes her entirely preoccupied with her body and symptoms and counting and whining. I mean, I’m trying ~not to whine but it’s happening. Sometimes you just gotta whine a little bit. Sometimes it helps.

Here’s the thing about the third trimester. It’s just… the worst. The first trimester is hard in a lot of ways, because you’re getting chubby and dealing with some of the preliminary symptoms, that due date is SO FAR AWAY, and you are probably keeping it semi-secret for some of the time. Second trimester is pretty fun, though! You get this cute bump and things are moving along and you find out the gender and they start giving you lil high fives.

And then the third trimester ruins your life. I think it’s actually an important part of the process. It’s like when they say it’s always darkest before the dawn or we have to know the bitter to taste the sweet and all that crap. The misery sets the stage for the absolute best, sweetest, most incredible joy of your life. Also you’re so miserable that even the idea of labor and delivery sounds preferable to staying pregnant for one more day. It’s all a carefully constructed part of the plan.

I can’t tell if it’s worse this time around or if I’m just more aware this time around. Nearly every day I wake up and wonder “How in the h*ck did I get up and drive 90 minutes and teach all day?” because I feel barely able to accomplish a task as simple as grocery shopping. Part of me is certain this baby is bigger than Reese (Reese was on the small side of average when she was born – she didn’t plump up until about 3-4 months). I also know for a fact that the insomnia & heartburn is way worse this time around. On the other hand – no SPD or “lightning crotch” which is a tender mercy from heaven above.

Either way – if it’s worse this time or it’s just all in my head – I have figured out a few different things and I’ve learned a lot. Am I feeling 100 emoji every day? Nope. But the days when I actually make an effort to incorporate some of these strategies are leaps and bounds better than days when I just put it on autopilot. Since I’m not teaching I don’t think I’ve been as vigilant, but now that the holidays are here I’m trying to work harder at being on top of my third trimester game.

And the name of the game: Prevention. 

This is the sad truth I’ve realized: once it starts, it’s not going to go away. This applies to basically every nightmare symptom of the third trimester.

Heartburn – once I feel it, it’s not going away no matter how many antacids I crunch

Sciatic and Round Ligament Pain – if it starts to ache, it’s a matter of management.

Insomnia – just accept it. You’re not falling asleep.

Dehydration – Go ahead and drink a gallon of water. You’ll still be thirsty and headachy.

It’s a really depressing and hard cycle. None of these symptoms are, by themselves, all that big of a deal. You can function. You can be a good mom. You can take care of business. But when they combine and don’t go away, it’s just like you’re living this life of nails on a chalkboard. It can feel really hopeless and depressing.

A couple of weeks ago I had several days like this. Nothing went ~wrong, technically. Everything was normal and fine and expected. But I had not been taking care to do the things I knew would prevent all the miserable third trimester symptoms, and I strung together several bad days of escalating symptoms. Finally one night I couldn’t get into my Jeep due to sciatic pain that was making it nearly impossible to lift my legs. I was tired and had heartburn and felt about 100000 lbs. I just wanted to get home and take my pants and bra off (TMI sorry? not sorry), but then realized that there was no way I’d actually sleep. Walking around all day had made me tight and sore, and I was having some painful cramping/Braxton-Hicks? that I’d rate only 4/10 but combined with everything else I just… couldn’t. In that moment I had this crushing realization – I was only 29 weeks.

I still had 11 weeks to go (maybe more if this baby is like Reese). That’s a long freaking time, holmes. And it’s not like those 11 weeks were going to be chill, uneventful, and easy on me. Those 11 weeks couldn’t be spent in a warm bath or on the couch with a hot pad. Those 11 weeks would include the entire holiday schedule of December, Christmas festivities, ringing in the New Year, switching to a new insurance (yes – at 8 months pregnant), all of the labor/delivery/hospital/postpartum prep, and Reese’s 2nd birthday. It just felt insurmountable. Was I really going to feel like THIS for 11 more weeks?

When I finally hoisted my giant self into the car and spilled all of this to The Beard as we drove home, he pretended to understand me through all the blubbering and swear words and as soon as we got home he immediately drew me a warm bath and put Reese down so I could relax. Then later that night as I lay completely awake at 2 am I made this resolution: I may not be able to completely avoid every single uncomfortable symptom, but I can be doing more to prevent the bulk of them.

My Third Trimester Survival Plan

MEDICINE CAVEAT: Before we delve into my plan, it’s important that we clear up the topic of medicine. Above all else – talk to your doctor. Just do it. Ask them. Write down your questions so you don’t forget at your next appointment, or call and talk to one of the nurses in the office. You aren’t weak if things feel unmanageable. You don’t get a trophy for avoiding OTC medication or suffering through regular pregnancy symptoms. According to your situation you may not be able to take Tylenol, sleeping aids, and other medications. But honestly for most of us a TON of regular medications are fine for pregnancy once you clear them with your doctor. I am not your doctor, neither is Web MD or Google. Tell your doctor what you’re struggling with and ask what your options are, then USE THEM. I have cleared all this stuff with my doctor, who is totally supportive of me taking care of me. She says it helps with overall pregnancy & baby health and she believes can help prevent postpartum depression. I just believe it helps me not kill everyone in my path. Win-win. 

Wake up – when I wake up. Sometimes that’s at 6 am, and guess what? I got all my Christmas wrapping DONEZO before anyone in my house woke up. Listened to a great true crime podcast too (True Crime Garage!). I decided to stop fighting it, and to stop setting alarms unless I HAVE to, because there is the off day that I actually sleep and grabbing those extra hours is HUGE.

Pre-emptive Heartburn Pill – the days when I take my Zantac first thing in the morning I almost NEVER have heartburn. I’ll take a second dose before dinner or bed, or as needed. This usually helps me to avoid heartburn all day and through the night.

Water – I try to drink a full glass of water right when I wake up. It sets a good tone for the day and helps me to fight off the dehydration I usually start to feel by midafternoon.

Get Dressed Early… Then Change – The days where I throw on an outfit and leave the house are usually the days where I find myself feeling fat, uncomfortable, and itchy. Now I try to get dressed in the morning (rather than hanging in leggings until I need to get dressed), and within an hour if I feel uncomfortable I realize that outfit isn’t going to work and I can change into something more comfortable. This prevents that awful, miserable feeling of being a big fat pregnant sausage in the middle of dinner with full HOURS between you and yoga pants.

Eat Breakfast – the days when I skip breakfast actually seem to create more heartburn, headaches, and general fussiness.

Tylenol – I will take 1-2 Tylenol after eating breakfast if I am already feeling pain or if I have a busy, active day ahead of me. I’ve found that getting ahead of it makes it much more manageable. Taking Tylenol once my hips are killing me usually means I can expect it to decrease to a dull ache at best.

Take Water – This is one I fail most consistently with, but I feel so much better on days I do it. I’ll fill up a plastic tumbler or my S’well water bottle with ice water and bring it with me in the car. Just having water with me naturally makes me drink it – it’s magic.

Pee Whenever Convenient – awkward but necessary. I’ve learned to pee before I leave the house. Every. Time. That’s the thing about third trimester – you’re running out of room and baby is kicking like crazy. I might not feel like I need to pee and then 5 minutes into the drive baby girl shifts and suddenly I’m trying not to pee my pants. Plus all the water I’m trying to drink? Just pee whenever it’s convenient, even if it’s just a little bit.

Stretching/Prenatal Yoga – I had been waiting to do this until it felt painful and miserable, which is exactly when you DON’T want to do it. Now I’m trying to do a little every day and it’s making a huge difference. Cat/Cow and Pigeon pose seem to help me the most. The days I do them I definitely sleep better and have less pain.

Gatorade – After a few days where I was SO DEHYDRATED I started sneaking in a small bottle of Gatorade/Powerade midafternoon and it helped SO MUCH. Less cramping, took the edge off my headache, and was a nice change from water. Now I get the mini-bottle packs and drink them in the car on the way to appointments or errands.

Lotion – I’m not sure if it’s doing anything about stretch marks, but it definitely helps with the itchiness! I use a belly butter on my bump and hips, then a nice lotion on my legs and arms.

Minimize T0-Do List – this one was harder for me. I still keep a to-do list a mile long, but I started realizing how much it was discouraging me when I could only do 1-2 things a day. So now I put 2-3 Must Dos on my list for each upcoming day. If I finish them I feel great, and move on to the longer master list or just relax.

Bedtime Routine – It works for babies and it works for pregnant women. Kind of. Set yourself up for a good night of sleep by sending your body messages that it’s time to wind down. No matter how tired I am, I go through a bedtime routine that usually includes a warm bath/shower, washing my face, brushing teeth, changing into super comfy pajamas, and using my Stress Relief Eucalyptus Spearmint hand lotion.

Prepare for Success Tomorrow – pregnancy brain is hitting, y’all. I forget things, leave things at home, lose track of time. Lately I’ve been taking some time before bed to prepare everything for the next day. I’ll pull out an outfit, put things in my car, package snacks, restock my diaper bag, even set alarms to remind me of stuff tomorrow. It makes the day so much more smooth!

Sleep Aid – I don’t take one every night, but I am using them more and more frequently. If I don’t have pain I’ll take a melatonin or a generic sleep-aid, or Tylenol PM if I’m aching. I use them when I definitely need sleep and I don’t have to wake up early the following morning.

The third trimester is a waiting game, and an uncomfortable one at that. But I couldn’t waste any more days letting my symptoms get the best of me. The holidays have been so much fun – and we still have almost two weeks of them! And once the holidays are behind us I’m throwing myself full-tilt into new baby prep. I don’t have time for routine heartburn to ruin my life. Yeah, I’ll be uncomfortable. Yeah, I’m huge. Yeah, my hips are gonna hurt. But with a little planning and awareness I am able to prevent 80% of the debilitating discomfort and make life a little more manageable in this the most punishing of trimesters.

If you have other coping mechanisms for third trimester please send them my way. It’s only gonna get worse before it gets better. And 8 weeks is still plenty of time for things to get worse.