It’s like Treat Yo Self but instead it was Help Yo Self. I read 6 self-help books. YIKES. I promise I’m not having a mental breakdown. You all know that already happened in September lol. Which is why I did what any Hermione Granger would do – checked out a stack of books to solve my problems. And you know what? It worked. I feel really good. I learned a lot. I talked about the new ideas and cool information and crazy statistics with everyone who would listen.

I freaking love self-help and nonfiction books. I don’t believe there’s any ONE that is perfect or trumps all others. I think they all have something to offer and can help your brain make space for new ideas and see things through new lenses. Sometimes I’ll read a self-help book at a point in my life and not feel like it applies to me, but principles will stick with me and be HUGE at other stages in my life. There are self-help books that feel like they were WRITTEN FOR ME, and others that are clearly more helpful for other types of people. But no matter what I’m always really happy to find that true principles align with the Gospel and things that feel eternal in my soul. I love that.

I know there are people who roll their eyes at self-help books, but really they are missing out. Self-help and certain types of nonfiction can help you see yourself with clarity. They can give you the tough love you need but don’t actually want to hear from the lips of someone you actually love. It’s ok if you don’t like one or not all of it resonates with you. Just try another. Eventually you’ll find one that makes you feel 100 emoji. And I highly recommend all of the following.

#GIRLBOSS

Sophia Amoruso spent her youth causing trouble and breaking the law. She had no real direction and at times it seemed she was doomed to remain a homeless criminal. But she turned it all around and now owns a multi-million dollar company that she built with her own two hands before she turned 30. How did she do it? By being a #Girlboss. 

I picked this up from the library right at the beginning of the month and wasn’t sure if I would like it. I don’t work anymore. I wasn’t planning on starting a business or becoming a boss (other than the amount I already boss everyone around hey-o!). I thought it might all be about “leaning in” an being a girl in the world of corporate America. Still interesting, but I wasn’t sure it would resonate or super apply to me. Boy was I happy to be wrong.

Good

• I think the part I liked the most was how repetitive and assertive she was about working hard. It didn’t come off as braggy or millennial-shaming, as some people criticized. It came off honest and unapologetic. If you’re not willing to work hard you’re never getting what you want anyway, and that’s something that resonates with me.
• The advice she gave about resumes, cover letters, interviews, contacts & referrals, and dealing with your coworkers, competition, and clients was all BOMB. So refreshingly honest and useful. Not just “be polite” and “be on time.” Legit advice for getting and keeping a job in this modern age.
• This is HER book. She wrote it. There’s no question about that. Her voice is so clear and present, and it just makes it more possible to listen and trust her.
• I don’t know much about the fashion or retail industries, nor did I care much. But following the story of how she started on eBay and grew her company to the one I recognize today was just so fascinating and motivating, even if it’s not your ~thing.
• I don’t think I could find someone more different than me, in practically every way. But it didn’t matter. Her earnest honesty and just general badass-ery made me love and respect her even when I disagreed or didn’t understand anything about her or her life.
• I really liked the guest chapters from other #girlbosses. It gives you a great, diverse sense of girl power!
• This book is what started my Creative Retreat and gave me the idea to really teach my planning class (details coming Monday! eeee!). I just felt so empowered and motivated! Why can’t I create something? Why can’t I turn my love and skill for planning and organizing into something helpful and marketable? I feel like this book really started to open my eyes to what it means when people are like “follow your passion! make a career out of it!”

Less Good

• A lot of her backstory is super interesting and helpful for the story, but sometimes I felt like she went into too much detail or told too much about her somewhat disastrous life before landing the Nasty Gal gig.
• There’s plenty of swearing. And while most of it is mild, some felt pretty unnecessary. Same goes for content about drugs or sex.

A Beautiful Mess Photo Idea Book: 95 Inspiring Ideas for Photographing Your Friends, Your World, and Yourself

Elsie Larson & Emma Chapman, creators of the popular DIY and lifestyle blog A Beautiful Mess, wrote a new type of photography book designed entirely to inspire and improve your photography in basic and applicable ways. This book includes tips and tricks for using your camera or how to pose and stage photos, like any photography book, but also gives new ideas for WHAT you should photograph and what you should DO with those photographs. 

This is a book that came recommended on a list of “books every blogger must read” along with #Girlboss and Big Magic, so I reluctantly put it on hold in the library app. Photography is something that instantly makes me recoil. I’m terrible at it, and have very little drive, time, or money to get really good at it. It’s something that’s always made me feel like a second- or third-class blogger. It feels like a language I don’t understand and will never speak. I feel like I’m stuck in this no-mans-land where I take a lot of pictures (and should probably take MORE pictures) and they’re bad or need to be better, but I’m not ready to pay for a DSLR or a fancy class. When I saw that this book wasn’t strictly technique or DSLR-only I got really excited, and ended up liking it so much that I bought it for my cousin for her birthday!

Good

• About 90% of this book is applicable to simple iPhone photos, which made me feel much more at home. Because I take 90% or more of my photos with my iPhone! I think probably most of us do.
• They share basic photography principles like lighting, angles, posing, staging, backgrounds, etc., in ways that aren’t specific to DSLR or using aperture/shutter speed terms. So it actually fit my definition of “basic” for once!!
• It freed me of the perception that every blogger photo is perfectly staged and planned and professional. Sometimes they are random photos taken on a whim that work out so well. Sometimes bloggers and professional photographers take crappy pictures too. And it’s ok to suck! Tinker around and practice!
• There are so many basic techniques I can try to improve my photography skills. Practice, cropping, lighting, different camera settings, tripod use, backdrops, angles. I can do these with my iPhone or with my digital camera. I felt like I actually ~could get better at photography without a course or a DSLR.
• I’m now doing a 30 day self-portrait challenge inspired by this book! I want to force myself to take a picture with my digital camera every day to practice and to get more familiar with it. I’ve only done three days but I realized that once I have my camera out and ready to go I end up taking at least 10 different pictures (many of them test shots to figure out the timer/tripod positioning/setting). This is such good practice for me!
• The ideas for how to use and share your pictures go beyond the tired ideas you’ve seen on Pinterest, so I liked that!
• It’s just pretty! It’s a pretty book with pretty pictures and pretty ideas. It would make a nice coffee table or desk addition.

Less Good

• I wish they had more of the step-by-step instructions or tutorials on actual photos or backdrops or ideas. They had a lot, but this dummy needs as much help as she can get.
• I felt like they were either talking about iPhones or DSLRs. I wondered if I should even bother with my digital camera.
• This is my fault, but I got it on ebook through the library and read it on my phone so the pictures were small and the layout was a little weird. Definitely get a hard copy, and this one is probably worth a buy.

Modern Romance

Comedian Aziz Ansari teams up with social scientists to research a pressing issue: Modern Romance. What does romance today look like compared to previous generations? How has the internet, smartphones, feminism, and modern technology in general changed the way we meet and fall in love? He shares his experiences and humor along with science and anecdotal interviews to provide a fascinating look at what it’s like to be single in today’s day and age. 

I didn’t really know what this was when I downloaded it. I had requested Nick Offerman’s Gumption, but it didn’t come through in time for our road trip. So about an hour before we were about to leave for Vegas I got on my library’s app and pulled up all the audiobooks that were available for instant checkout and found this one close to the top of the popularity list. The Beard loves Parks & Recreation and we’ve watched a couple of Aziz’s stand up specials, so I thought “Why not?” I assumed it would be a funny look at his life and dating and social media and technology. I didn’t realize how much of it was actual research and science-based, but that was a nice surprise! It ended up being a super interesting listen for our drive and spurred a lot of conversation. I definitely think all 18+ singles should read this because 80% of it is critical, helpful information.

Good

• Aziz Ansari is hilarious, and he intersperses stats and science with his comedic commentary so it never really gets too dry.
• Because it was so science-based I learned SO MUCH. It was so cool to hear that this stuff was backed up with research. Sometimes that made it scary, but overall it was educational and eye-opening.
• Even though I’m married I feel like I walked away with things I could apply in my life and relationships. I really wish I had read this while I was single at BYU (I mean it wasn’t written, but you get the idea). He tackles the issues of modern dating that we all face – how long until we text back? How do we break the ice with a first text? What do you do when you’re not interested? When do you know they’re ~the one? Super helpful.
• I loved the case studies in different countries. It was so interested to hear how romance is different in those different cultures – especially the chapter on Japan. Yikes.
• Pretty quick, easy read/listen. It was perfect for our Vegas road trip.

Less Good

• Lots of swearing, lots of talk of sex and intimacy and drugs and just weird inappropriate stuff. We knew that would likely be the case but still.
• As a Mormon it wasn’t great to hear him support ideas that don’t align with my values. Of course, this isn’t gonna bug everyone, but it’s my blog and my review so I’m including it. He seemed pretty loosey-goosey about infidelity, didn’t really address the dangers of sexting, and didn’t really spend enough time talking about the WHY of romance, which I believe is companionship and families. He hit on these a little, but I feel like it should have been a bigger focus.
• I felt like it centered on men, which makes sense as the two authors were men, but it still felt imbalanced to me.

Big Magic

Elizabeth Gilbert tackles the elusive and misunderstood concept of creativity in this inspiring and motivating self-help book. She challenges the idea that creativity comes with suffering or with greatness, and instead urges each of us to find and use our own curiosity and gifts to pursue the clues life throws to us. This book is designed to help you move beyond your fear and misconceptions and to begin living a creative life so you may manifest the Big Magic you have within you. 

This book has been popular amongst bloggers and self-help book lovers alike. Finally, after seeing it on a list of “books bloggers must read” and then hearing it referenced on Gretchen Rubin’s podcast I decided it was time. I placed a hold on the ebook and audiobook, and dove right in once the audiobook came through first. I was a little nervous, as someone who has never considered herself creative in the conventional senses of the term. But this book gave me a whole new way of seeing and defining creativity and further encouraged me to go for it! Do what I like! Do something crazy! Fail! Fake it until I make it! You get the idea.

Good

• I love the way she shot down fear right out of the gate. Fear is boring! Everyone has fear! At this point I was tinkering with the idea of a planning class, new website, a couple of other ideas that I’m still hoping to pursue… but they all felt a little scary or unrealistic. It felt like she was lovingly telling me to STFU because my fear is boring and not doing me any favors.
• I am about as Type A, left brain as it gets. I have often had a VERY hard time getting along with right-brainers. Flighty, unpredictable, disrespectful, unrealistic, inconsiderate, rude, masochistic. It was AWESOME to hear her completely tear apart the idea that creativity goes with suffering or homelessness or poverty or alcoholism or being a complete a-hole to everyone you know and love. YASSSSSSSS thank you!!!!
• She also tears down the idea that you need an expensive degree or to quit your job or to devote 20+ hours a week to your creativity. I mean, J.K. Rowling did it as a single mom with a job. Keep your day job. Fit in your creative work when you can. Make it happen. Love that.
• I liked the idea of creativity as a living, breathing thing that visits us and responds to our actions & reactions. I like the idea that we can invite it and make it comfortable, or we can show it that we’re not welcoming or ready.
• “The reaction doesn’t belong to you.” For whatever reason this quote really stuck with me. Gilbert talks about how someone read her book Eat, Pray, Love and then when she came up to thank her for it – she had read part of the story that Gilbert had never written. It was the ~reader’s story. Gilbert says once we write/create something we have to let it go and then it belongs to the reader/viewer/consumer. They’re gonna use it almost like a mirror and take what they need from it. Sometimes they’ll like it, sometimes they’ll hate it. But you made it and they can go make their own. The reaction doesn’t belong to you.
• It inspired me to do more to invite and feed my creativity. It inspired me to see myself, and others, as creative. It inspired me to be curious and to follow the “clues” that the universe gives me. This is the book to read if you’re feeling dried out or completely uncreative.

Less Good

• Towards the 3/4 mark I started to get a little bored because I felt like she had covered most everything.
• It fell pretty flat in the end. I was jazzed for the first half, then it progressively trickled down to the end when I was like “ok it’s over now right?”
• I feel like she mentions “Big Magic” one time. Seems a little weird that ~that’s the title.
• She made it sound like it’s always been so easy for her to be creative and to be loose and to be forgiving and to reject perfectionism. It came off a little braggy and like “I didn’t have to learn this but you’ll get there.”

You Are A Badass

This book is about getting past all of your roadblocks to embrace your inner badass. Jen Sincero shares personal anecdotes, general truths, and extremely quotable quips that help you understand why you keep getting stuck in dead-end jobs or unhappy relationships or mounds of debt or crappy apartments or any other lame situation. Then she helps you break them down and see yourself the way you truly are – as a badass who can have and do and be anything she wants. 

This book came highly recommended by two very close friends and it was easy to see why. Sincero is a clear, funny, good writer. Very few of her concepts were original in the world of self help, but the way she shares them makes this book a must-read for anyone looking to improve their lives and unhitch the wagon that’s slowing them down.

Good

• Like I said before, basically all good self-help books are simply tapping into Gospel and eternal principles. This one shared ideas I’ve read in many other books (The Secret mostly, but also 7 Habits, The Miracle of Mindfulness, and a few others), but in a way that ties them all together and makes them really accessible.
• She refers to herself and others as “weenies” and “ding dongs” when they’re being weenies and ding dongs, which obviously I love
• She manages to talk about being aware of your body and the Universe and God in a way that doesn’t feel hippy-dippy.
• I am a fan of tough love and wake up calls. Hers is awesome. You don’t get to make any excuses for yourself when you read this book. You’re a badass, you have unlimited potential, and what you want is well within your reach – just waiting for you. You can do it. You just have to do it.
• One of my very favorite things was how she talks about our relationship with time and money. If you’re constantly treating them like they aren’t giving you enough, or they’re causing you problems, or you don’t respect them – why would you expect them to respect you??? Genius. Treat time and money with respect and gratitude and you’ll find you have plenty of both.
• I like to read self-help books in pieces so I have time to stop and think and process and implement. Binge reading self-help books usually means I miss things or only implement parts of the theories. The chapters in this book are small, quick, and manageable. I read it over a couple of weeks and it was easy to set down and walk away from, then return to later.
• I highlighted a phrase or quote on almost every page and I’m glad I bought it because I was right in my prediction that it will be a re-read for me.

Less Good

• I actually like mild swearing, so most of it was welcome. But the necessary f-word is rare and basically never approved by me, so there were quite a few of those I thought unnecessary. A few things about sex or drugs or drinking too.
• The money stuff was cool and helpful, but it felt almost like it didn’t fit in with the rest of the book? She also has a money version of this book, so I wonder if she agreed and ended up putting more of it in a separate book?
• She sometimes advocates risks that just make me nervous. Like buying a car you can’t necessarily afford to force yourself to find a way to pay for it. I understand and like the ~concept of it. She’s saying sometimes you have to force yourself to jump to realize you can fly, whatever. But yikessssss.
• She lives a lifestyle that obviously works for her but doesn’t necessarily instill a ton of confidence from me. She’s a nomadic writer and just travels and hangs with friends. It’s cool that this works for her and she got the life she wanted, but it also strikes me as the type of person who isn’t particularly realistic or responsible. But that’s just textbook Danica right there.
• She plugs for life coaching a lot, and the ending feels very sales-pitchy to me.

Rising Strong

Brene Brown addresses the final step in the Daring Greatly process – Rising Strong. Once you’ve been brave, you’ve been vulnerable, you’ve tried… and you’ve found yourself facedown in the arena with the crowd laughing and screaming and pointing at you. What do you do then? How do you respond? How do you rise up strong? Her process includes The Reckoning (being honest with your feelings and what’s happening), The Rumble (dealing with realities and emotions and options), and The Revolution (changing the way you approach the whole situation, solving problems, moving onward, becoming better).

I liked this ~almost as much as Daring Greatly, which is high praise. I read this at such a key point in my life. September found me facedown in the arena. And to be honest I think I had been facedown for a while, but just pretending I was taking a nap. I knew I needed Rising Strong, and I’m so glad I read it. I would recommend reading Daring Greatly first, but then definitely reading Rising Strong.

Good

• Brown has a knack for telling anecdotes and allegories that feel so relatable. Like “Oh man I’m not the only one who feels like that!!!”
• I’m not kidding when I say that her concept of “the story I’m making up” is going to change my life. That’s the best part of the book and I want to talk to everyone about it. Basically she says we are wired for story, and when something happens to us we have to fill in the blanks and create the story for it – even though we are usually getting SO MUCH of it wrong. Instead of accepting these “stories” as truth, we need to verbalize and share them. Starting with “the story I’m making up is that _______” and then figuring out how much of it is true, made up, assumed, or self-aggrandizing. If it involves another person, say a spouse, you tell them the story you’re making up and then they have the opportunity, without being attacked, to address your story and help you rewrite it in a more accurate way. HUGE.
• I love the term “the rumble.” I’m a fan of quick and efficient solutions, so rumbling is something I’ve always avoided. My family is also one to ignore or gloss over tricky stuff, so I often have a hard time accepting and confronting anything bad or weird or sad. This doesn’t solve problems – it can make them worse. Instead I felt more ready to “rumble” with the uncomfortable things in life.
• “Everyone is doing their best.” This part literally made me cry and stuck with me so hard. After sharing a story about a disgusting and awful roommate, Brown’s therapist tells her “I think everyone is just doing their best.” My reaction was the same as Brown’s – “NO they are NOT!!!! That could not have been her best! I know so many people who could be doing better than they are currently doing! How is that possibly their best? No. Nope. No Way.” But as she rumbles with this idea and talks to people she comes to a stark and shocking realization that yeah, in general, people really are doing their best. I’ve thought this every single day since and tried to apply it to the judgments and angry mind swearing I do constantly.

Less Good

• It does get repetitive. Of itself and of Daring Greatly. But that’s not incriminating.
• It can get kind of heavy, so it’s good to take breaks. In fact, I had to check this out a second time because I needed time to read in chunks and process and my first checkout ran out before I finished.

So there it is – my big month of self-help books. #Girlboss and You Are A Badass were my favorites and definitely worth your time. Maybe even worth buying if you’re a big self-help fan or like to highlight/annotate like I do. With the holidays approaching they may also make nice gift ideas!

For November I’m excited to read Gemina, 5 Love Languages of Children, and at least one more. Hit me up with recommendations if you’ve got ’em!