I was talking to my friends the other day about the value of snapchat, and what makes it unique. In theory – yes – it sounds just like texting pics and videos to each other. But if you’ve used it for more than a week or two you know it’s actually its own thing, and an undeniably useful tool.

More frequently I find myself explaining Twitter to people, and feeling like I want to tutor some twitter newcomers because they just don’t seem to *get* exactly what Twitter is. Because I LOVE Twitter. THAT’S where I want to be. If I had to choose one it would be Twitter.

Then my girl Jessica posted on Facebook something that I know has resonated with me and others – how do we know what to post, and where? There are so many platforms of social media these days, and I often see people posting the same thing everywhere, or posting something on Insta that would make a better snap, tweeting something that is really better for texting, etc. etc. etc. etc.

Now before you get all pissed and leave angry attacking anonymous comments: This is MY blog and MY thoughts. If you don’t agree just feel free to scroll right on past. I am writing this from my signature point of false internet authority, and it is 100% MY OPINION, not a fact or personal attack on YOU and YOUR LIFE. I do not for one second think I have any authority over you or your social media choices. You do you, boo.

Whew. Feels good to preface that. Now, here goes. My personal guide to WHAT you should post on WHICH social media platforms. Hold on to your butts.

FACEBOOK

What should you post on Facebook? Nothing. I’m a little bit kidding. But this is the platform I like the least and really think should die out, even though it won’t. It’s been taken over by our parents – which I actually think is perfect!!! They use it much better than we do. They actually use it to connect and interact with friends and family. My mom’s facebook is so much more active and useful. She posts a pic of Reese or my sister’s wedding and within hours there’s 40 comments from friends, family, ward members, high school buddies, old coworkers – all encouraging and cute and sweet.

On the other hand, if you’ve got some product to sell… apparently Facebook is the place to post it! I’m not a big fan of MLMs (multi-level marketing) because I really just think they boil down to pyramid schemes. The products may be great, but that’s neither here nor there. You’re not paying for the product – you’re paying for your friend and everyone in her up-line. She’s also been pressured pretty heavily by her up-line to post regularly to her Facebook and use it as a recruiting/sales tool. So I guess if you’ve got that goin on – Facebook is the place for you.

If you’ve got a racist meme or one of those cool time-lapse dessert recipe videos, Facebook is your landing pad. If you refuse to use Google dot com or text your friends for advice – Facebook seems to be a great place for that, too. Did the church come out with a new controversial statement? Make sure you post it with all 600 of your Facebook friends. Jimmy Fallon did something funny last night? FACEBOOK!!!

That being said – Facebook is still the easiest and best place to form a group. Harry Potter Book Club is the only reason I still use Facebook, because their group and event pages are the best for gathering people together and planning stuff. I created a page for my blog and it is still the most consistently clicked for driving traffic. There’s some value there.

And for most of us – Facebook is still the most universal platform. Your friends are there; your mom is there; your grandma is probably there. It’s a good place to post the big updates from your life or things you would like everyone you know to see. It’s also great for  things other people might want to save for themselves – group photos, vacation albums with multiple people, etc.

TWITTER

Twitter is its own weird thing. You kind of either get it or you don’t, and it’s not that fun if you don’t. Twitter is for humor, observation, anger, personality, and cleverness. You have 140 characters to express a thought – and if it’s not worth it you won’t be followed. If you whine? Unfollow. Post too much? Unfollow. Retweet parody accounts or worn out memes? Unfollow.

Twitter is great for making fun of yourself, trashing stuff you see on other social media platforms, talking about TV shows, observational humor about your niches (Diet Coke, BYU, a sports team, being a mom, your job, etc), and finding people who are more like you than anyone you’ve ever met IRL. I have found this group of people on Twitter that I absolutely LOVE, and they’ve turned into IRL friends. Making friends on the internet sounds weird but it’s way easier and more fun because it’s more of a choice than just who sits by you in class or is your randomly assigned roommate. Find or create a clique you love and Twitter becomes a universe which is catered to your needs and tastes. It’s magnificent.

Twitter is the place to joke, humorously complain, share offensive opinions, fangirl about Harry Styles/Oscar Isaac/The Kardashians/your Sodalicious order. Share a cool thing you found online or in a store. The general tone is dry, self-deprecating, and humorous so if what you want to share isn’t funny or fitting into the niche of your twitter following… Twitter is not the place for it. It’s not the place to vaguely complain about your life or share big updates. It’s short, fun, and fast. If you’re the type to neglect social media for days on end – that’s great! But Twitter isn’t for you or your posts.

If you have a thread that is more than a few tweets long, going back and forth with people – TAKE IT TO TEXT OR AT LEAST DIRECT MESSAGE. Geez. Respect the twitter brevity. It’s awkward for all of us!!!

INSTAGRAM

Oh I love you Instagram. I remember thinking “WTF is Instagram? Why would anyone use this? I’m just gonna keep posting my Facebook albums of every college party I go to byeeeeeeee.” Naive, stupid, young Danica. Photos are the best! A picture really is worth a thousand words, but I’m sometimes still guilty of posting a thousand words WITH the picture. Sorry guys. I’m a writer! It’s what I do! But in general if you need an entire PARAGRAPH to explain something, tell a story, or announce something – blogs are probably best for you.

Instagram is great for sharing things that can only adequately be shared via photo. A picture or video of your kid or dog doing something funny? Love it. Your #ootd? Bring it on! Pictures of your fun day at Disneyland/vacation/the park/the zoo/with your sister? Sounds good to me!

Generally just follow The Instagram Rules. I can’t really add much more to this other than to say STOP POSTING MEMES AND TEXT AND INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES STOP IT JUST STOP. If the picture is blurry… ugh. Try not to post it. This is a PHOTO app. Try to make your photos at least worth looking at! Don’t force it!

And I just HAVE to amend her baby rule. It’s Mormon Utah out here, and that just isn’t feasible. I post several of Reese per week, but I always try to make sure they are somehow unique. You don’t need 50 pictures of Reese sitting in the rocking chair reading a book, even if it’s still just as adorable to me on Day 50 as it was on Day 1. You don’t need to see EVERY cute outfit, of which there are MANY you guys. Just ask yourself “Is this something extra cute/special/precious/new?” If the answer is no – that’s ok! Just move along to our next platform for that baby photo. 🙂

ALSO LAST THING: Instagram just made it super easy for you to use multiple instagram accounts. If you post a lot about your diet, your MLM, your kid/animal/hobby/business – now is the best possible time for you to make a separate, dedicated account to that topic! Keep a personal one and move the other stuff to a dedicated account – for everyone’s sake.

SNAPCHAT

I can’t believe I’m using snapchat even more than Twitter these days, but I am. I had snapchat for a LONG LONG time before I got routine with it. And even then… it wasn’t until I had Reese that it really became fun. When you have a kid, a funny running joke, or anything else that you want to share regularly it’s pretty stupid to post it to Facebook (where people don’t care) or text photos/emojis that blow up people’s phones and take up your storage space. The solution? Snapchat.

Snapchat is perfect for random little bits of your day. Grabbing a Sodalicious. The picture of that guy’s butt crack as he bends over in the cereal aisle. Random hilarious clips of The Office. Baby #ootds. A selfie showcasing your new lipstick. Selfies in general.

I declare that Snapchat is the most selfie-appropriate and selfie-friendly platform. 

And lately I love talking on snapchat. Mostly for The Bachelor recaps. But if you’ve got a story that simply won’t translate to text or instagram, even with the help of emojis… turn to snapchat. Sometimes you just need your face and voice and inflection and volume and body language to help you really express yourself, ya feel? Just remember that, again, no one REALLY cares about the guy who cut you off, that you worked a full day AND went to the gym, or that you’re bored. Save those for the people in your life who really do care – your spouse, your BFF, your mom. If you start to ramble or lose focus – delete and start over more succinctly. Remember that people are likely listening to these with their spouse/roommates/friends/mom listening in. More than once I’ve gone back and been like “Man I sound like an idiot in that one.” or “Ugh that makes me look so vain!” Snapchat is definitely the most ~real social media, but that doesn’t mean it has to be dirty laundry and the worst parts about yourself.

The thing I love most about snapchat is I never have to worry about sharing too much, because it’s not clogging up a feed like it would in Instagram, Twitter, texts, or Facebook. You can watch it. Or don’t. And no one has to worry about “likes” or “retweets” or even comments. It’s all so optional and without any strings attached! I can post 8 videos in a row of Reese eating a pickle. My mom and mother-in-law and best friend will watch all 8 videos, and I’ll watch them myself 15x. But if you don’t want to – you don’t have to! And then *I* don’t have to text it to everyone in my phone. It’s just on snapchat! All hail snapchat.

Texting

NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE SHARED PUBLICLY. I repeat. Not everything needs to be shared publicly. If you’re having a rough day – call your mom, text your spouse, complain to your BFF. Contrary to popular belief I think it’s normal to complain. Healthy, even, if it helps you get it out and move on. I am just of the radical belief that it doesn’t actually help you to post it for everyone in your life to see!

If you need a recommendation for birth control, opinions on a major clothing purchase, or to tell a funny story that includes a topical inside joke – texting is the place for you. I’ve made the mistake before of posting something that I thought was SO FUNNY but in reality the only people who commented and *got* it were my best friends. I should have just texted them – it would have been more fulfilling.

On Wives/Mommy Communities: I had to remove myself (multiple times actually) from these because I COULDN’T ABIDE. If you have beef with your spouse or in-laws, or serious questions about pregnancy or parenting, you really shouldn’t be turning to strangers on the internet. Text your friends, consult Google dot com, call your bishop or pediatrician or anyone who is a real person with a reason for trust. I can’t believe some of the stuff I saw on there. Yeah, if you want to hear what people think about the Owlet or if anyone has recommendations for an anniversary trip, whatever. But crowdsourcing opinions about cry-it-out or asking people if they think your husband is cheating? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE.

Often there’s a joke I want to say but would offend someone – I text it to a friend who will get it without getting offended or judging me. Often I am having the worst day and feel super whiney – I call my sister-in-law to go to lunch and vent so I can move on. Often I have a personal question that Google can’t really answer for me – I call someone I can trust. The internet is a wealth of knowledge, but it’s not a person and it shouldn’t be where you turn for absolutely every little thing.

ON CLEANSES, BALANCE, AND NOTIFICATIONS

I think social media cleanses are awesome and really helpful. I still might roll my eyes at you when you post a big long self-righteous thing about going on one. But I recommend it to everyone – large or small scale. Last year I went on a hardcore weeklong social media cleanse. Last week I turned off all of my notifications except for calls and texts. This one is so good for me because I’d see that tiny red bubble “1” on my twitter app and whip it open to check. My life is really chill and nothing is all that time sensitive, so unless I’m doing my freelance writing it was fine to just check it whenever I wanted, right? Maybe. But I like this so much better! Now I focus on tasks at hand, doing everything more intentionally and with more purpose just naturally because I don’t have my phone out every few minutes. I still check it a lot, and love my social medias! But it’s less frequent and when I do it’s a lot more fun because there’s more to check.

Just because social media is amazing and so so fun, it doesn’t mean we should put our whole lives there. I am very present on twitter, instagram, snapchat, and even Facebook. But I can say with confidence that at least 50% of my life is not there. I sometimes have to consciously reserve parts of my life, but I do it because it’s my life. At the end of the day if this all goes black, I will still have the people in my life – my IRL life. Will I still do the things I do without the Instagram credit? Will I still think funny thoughts and watch my tv shows and go to Sodalicious? Will I still find a way to spend time and share my life with my friends? Of course.

But I’m still really glad I can do that now through these platforms. 🙂 I’m grateful for the amazing people I’ve met through social media. I’m grateful for the funny snaps and clever tweets and cute pictures of your babies that make my day a little brighter. Love you all.