February really did a number on me, you guys. It was really fun but most of the time I was really getting my rear handed to me. Which is why I skipped Monday AND Wednesday’s posts, even though I’ve been trying to blog 3x a week. This is also why unfortunately I did NOT meet my 3 book goal. 🙁 I am trying much harder this month to take downtime – even FORCING myself to have downtime. Reading is such a priority to me. It makes me feel good; it makes me smarter; it sets a good example; and it really is one of my best forms of self-care and self-love. So March. You get ready. Nerd Alert Danica is coming for you.

I did however read 2 really incredible books, started a fun new novel, and ALMOST finished a really interesting audiobook. I of course read along with Bon’s Book Club which for this month was “A Man Called Ove,” and I also try to follow along with Delicious Reads Book Club which was “A Darker Shade of Magic.” I picked that one up last week and took it on my vacation to St. George, but I ended up having so much fun and snuggling both my baby and my precious new niece Ruby so much that I really didn’t get that far into it. I’m working on it though and pleasantly enjoying the interesting universe of multiple Londons, magic, and the connections between them.

Bon’s Book Club for NEXT month is “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.” I requested it on audiobook a couple of weeks ago in case it took a while to arrive, but my hold happily jumped to the top! I am about halfway through that one and SO INTERESTED/PEEVED/SAD about it. Obviously that one (and Darker Shade of Magic, hopefully) will make it to the Books I Read: March Edition.

The other book I finished was one of my own choosing was Better than Before, which I received from Blogging for Books for a review. Now you guys know I’m very wary of sponsorships or free perks for blogging. But I have had several blogging friends tell me about this and recommend it, and I have to say I am impressed. If you have a blog and like to read then definitely check it out. I was happy to see they have current and relevant titles, and you get to make a completely unbiased, honest review. I hope you guys know that if I hate a book I will tell you. I promise. I’m gonna continue using this service because hello, free books, and I was gonna blog about them anyways. Not to mention I like reading other bloggers reviews about these books and browsing all of the new and upcoming titles. So without further ado, the Books I Read: February Edition!

A Man Called Ove

Ove is a grumpy old widow with nothing to live for when his loud and disobedient neighborhood gets in the way of some perfectly good suicide plans. Between the rambunctious new family next door, to his former best friend and archnemisis down the street, and the yippy dog of a neighbor’s girlfriend that keeps peeing in his yard – life just will not let him go. This story is of the past Ove – the one who became hardened and bitter due to the “white shirts” and bad luck of the world, but also had a warm heart and ever-working hands. This is also the story of current Ove – the one who misses his wife so much his heart is literally breaking, but finds meaning and purpose in helping (and berating) the idiots around him. 

I LOVED THIS BOOK YOU GUYS. Loved it. Its the kind of book I want to buy for everyone I know. I love books that make me sad and happy cry, as long as the ending is a big long happy cry. Although Ove is the mean old grump  who shows no emotion other than irritation, you somehow feel deep, powerful emotion on every single page.

Good

• I just pictured a mean old Ron Swanson the entire time, which made it so much more satisfying. Even when he was being a total axe wound there was part of me that knew the softie moment was coming and that it would completely blow me away. And it always did!
• The delicate balance between hating and loving Ove, the flurry of activity of the present and the leaps with frozen moments of the past, Stone Ove and Human Ove… Backman did a pretty good job of this.
• I gave several literal LOLs during this read, which is always so much fun. Ove yanking some punk tatted up youths out of their suped up truck, asking a kid if the was “one of those gays,” punching a clown… yeah. Those all happened. And I was DYING.
• It was a great reminder that helping people is still helping people, even if you do it when you’re grumpy, or to uphold the rules of the neighborhood association. Ove was NOT HAPPY about any of the things he is doing, but he still did the right things. It still counts for something. Much more than when I say “let me know if I can help!” or when I send a happy text full of emojis… but do nothing concrete IRL.
• His life mattered. Even though he “lost” to the white shirts over and over, even though he wasn’t a father, even though most people didn’t like him (and he didn’t like them!), even though he was forced out of the neighborhood association, even though his wife died and he lost his job and all purpose. His life mattered. SO MUCH. He impacted so many people, even as a recluse curmudgeon. What a thought. We all affect each other. We sometimes have no idea why we’re here or what we’re gonna do tomorrow that will change someone’s life – even save it.
• It was predictable, but in the best kind of way. Some of the people at the book club meeting didn’t love that it was all tied up nice with a bow, but I did. There were enough fun twists and developments to keep it interesting, but in the end it turns out the way you hope it will – and even better!
• I think the lesson I was meant to learn from this book is that I need to be less harsh towards people – even when they are being complete toerags. In my mind agency is agency is agency. You might have an awful past, or anxiety, or you’re hangry. But you are still accountable for your agency and how you use it. I look at someone like Ove and would think “yeah obviously you’ve got a messed up past. Obviously people have screwed you. You clearly have a world view that everyone is trying to ruin your life. But at the end of the day YOU decide how you act. YOU decide how you treat people. And YOU are accountable for all of the decisions you make.” I mean, that’s the Gospel, man. But it was really eye-opening to see that the people at the Apple Store never got to see WHY Ove was there. They never realized what Ove had done for Jimmy, who was there to help him pick out an iPad. They couldn’t see any of that. Just like I wouldn’t have seen any of that. We would just see the grumpy old man making our shift miserable. God loves people like Ove, and people like Ove are better people than people like me. Yeah I’m sure God cringes slightly at the way Ove FLIPS OUT COMPLETELY when someone buys a BMW or espouses a pointless new trend. But God loves that Ove is tireless when it comes to doing what needs to be done. God loves that Ove stands up for what is right – always. God loves that Ove is modest and humble and hardworking. So, yeah Danica, Ove was using his agency to be rude to the Apple Store attendants, but you didn’t get to see the agency he was using to protect Jimmy, or buy that iPad for a little girl, or save a stranger’s life. And those are so much more important than conventional politeness to a hipster.

Less Good

• After about 3-4 chapters I set it down and had to force myself to pick it back up. If I hadn’t had the book club meeting holding me accountable I may not have finished it. Don’t get me wrong – I’m SO glad I did! But at first you’re just kind of like “ok this guy is a class-A jerk and watching him insult and butt heads with his neighbors isn’t worth my time.” So if you are going to read it – push through, even when it feels like a constant eye roll emoji.
• I did want to know more about Sonja. One thing we talked about at the book club meeting was that she seems too perfect to be real. It makes sense as you’re reading because he loved her so much and she’s dead, so of course he’s going to romanticize and idealize her. But looking back you’re like “did they fight? What were HER issues?”
• There is a part of you that hates “the man” after reading this. Ove is so compromised and hurt by the “white shirts” over the course of his life, and  you grow to hate them too. As a very rule-abiding goody-goody I find this type of conflict so traumatic to my brain, because I always want to defend the establishment. But I also feel so hurt for some of the bad, insensitive, impersonal things they did to him. And yes I know this is fiction BUT IT FEELS REAL YOU GUYS.
• I wish there was slightly less fighting with his neighbors and pages upon pages of his ongoing feud with Rune, and more writing on his redemption. More stories of how he interacted with the little kids next door, how he helped Rune and Anita, the way the neighborhood comes together and gets along in the end. That part felt fast and left me wanting more.

Better than Before

Gretchen Rubin tackles the age-old challenge: a new habit. Habits are “the architecture of everyday life.” They can be good (brushing your teeth every single morning) or bad (eating a whole bag of chips while watching a football game). Stop a stranger on the street and ask them about their New Years Resolutions. Chances are good that they abandoned them last month. So how do we form a new habit? How do we break old ones? There’s actually a lot that goes into it – your lifestyle, your friends and family, the reasons behind the habit, and the habit itself, to name a few. This self-help book will cover everything you need to know to develop good habits, squash your bad habits, and generally live your life better than before. 

I’m a big Gretchen Rubin fan. I LOVED her Happiness Project, and it inspired me to do my own. Gretchen is a Type-A personality, writer, reader, mom, wife, and d0-er. I identify with that a lot. I also LOVE self-help books and I love the idea that we can take control of our own lives and make them better. I’m always trying some new program, habit, mentality, whatever to make my life better or happier or more productive. I actually ended up liking this one more than The Happiness Project! This one felt more concrete and applicable, somehow. I just kept getting the feeling that ANYONE can read this and figure out what’s best for them. And everyone SHOULD! Read this and finally make that change to going to bed earlier, exercising more, being more social, or keeping  your bathroom clean. Click for more info about Gretchen and this book.

Good

• You can tell she is well-read and did her research. I love all of her quotes and references. She quotes ancient texts, but also The Office and Harry Potter. There’s something so trustworthy and real about her writing. It feels like you’re just listening to your smartest friend – one who would never judge or alienate you, but speaks your language and really understands everyday life.
• Knowing Yourself is so critical to this process. If you’re the type of person who hates exercise then a treadmill/weights conventional gym workout is NEVER. GOING. TO. SUCCEED. You’ll need to find a way around that. When I just decided “No. I’m not gonna ever give up Diet Coke unless a doctor tells me it is going to kill me, in and of itself. I’m gonna try to drink more water, but Diet Coke is my thing and it’s ok for me to just accept it.” it was so nice. The idea that you don’t have to use everyone else’s cookie cutter habits is very liberating. It’s probably the best part of this book – you need to do what works for you, and ignore everything else because it will make you fail or miserable or feel bad. Not helpful.
• Obviously her Strategy of Scheduling felt like home to me. You’re looking at a girl who color codes her planner, uses stickers and washi tape and post-it notes, and lists everything as though my life depended on it. She takes it even further and I was lapping it up like a dehydrated labrador.
  • Quitting Time – especially for SAHMs, it can be easy for your work/mommy stuff/chores to just spread dangerously over your entire 24 hour day. Establishing a “quitting time” for tasks can help you work more efficiently, find closure, and enjoy your day without guilt.
  • Choice Time – Gretchen looked at her daughter’s school schedule and noticed that they always schedule in Choice Time. As a SAHM your whole life kind of feels like Choice Time, which ends up meaning none of it actually IS Choice Time. If you want to cultivate a new habit of reading, or catching up more regularly with friends, or meditating, or spending quality time with your kids… schedule it in. I get in the habit of scheduling just the things I HAVE to do, so somehow I never do the things I WANT to do.
  • Power Hour – THIS was my favorite. Gretchen keeps a running list of one time chores, such as mailing a rebate, getting an oil change, filing documents, replacing lightbulbs, returning purchases, etc. Anything that you’re not doing regularly as part of your schedule, but still needs to get done. Once a week she has Power Hour where for 60 minutes she tackles as many things as she can on that list. I loved it! I have so many of those things on my list that I end up writing them on random to do lists throughout the week and they never seem to get done. Can’t wait to make this a habit.
• She shatters some of your best excuses for quitting your good habits, which will be a little uncomfortable, but you’ll be better armed to make them permanent. “Red Herring Goals” are the ones you say out loud, or make every New Year but never seem to do. “I need to work out more.” You say it, but you don’t really mean it. Whether its to reassure yourself, distract your spouse or friends, or to cope with the guilt of NOT doing it… you say it with no intention of actually following through. Another big one are “False Choices.” This is when you construct your reality to make it seem like you had to choose between your habit and a better thing. “I couldn’t eat healthy because it would be rude.” or “I was going to go to yoga but instead I read to my son.” We turn those into either/or situations, when they really aren’t that way. The one thing I loved about this approach is that she isn’t trying to make you feel bad. In fact she says to just drop those Red Herring Goals entirely. If you have no intention of working out – say so and live with it. If you actually don’t want to go to some social gathering – don’t. Just be upfront and real with yourself, because it’s healthier for you.
• Treats! I loved the parts about treats, rewards, distractions, and the finish line. Really we shouldn’t reward ourselves for good habits – they should be rewards in themselves. If we DO reward ourselves we should lump it in with the positive consequences of the habit. When you lose weight, don’t reward yourself with chocolate cake – buy a new dress to fit your smaller size. Don’t give yourself a finish line or stopping point, otherwise you’re much more likely to drop the habit entirely and refuse to start back up. Instead, come up with smart treats which make you feel good without compromising your habit or your new happy life. I have a whole post planned on what MY treats will be.
• The best part of this book is how prepared you feel to make and change your habits. You really feel like you can do it. I’m much more aware of myself and my habits, and I was even from chapter two! This book would be particularly helpful if you were hoping to make a lifestyle change or were really unhappy with your life, as it can make it easier for you to see yourself and determine what you need to do to make changes.

Less Good

• Maybe its just her writing style, but I kind of had to push through the last quarter of the book – just like I did with The Happiness Project. By then it just felt so predictable and even repetitive.
• I am an Upholder style, just like her. Most people fall into four categories
  • Upholders, who easily uphold rules and try to meet all expectations, whether internal or external
  • Questioners, who can meet expectations and follow rules as long as they understand and agree, but struggle if they don’t know the purpose or internalize the value of a rule or habit.
  • Obligers easily meet expectations and follow rules where there is external accountability from a boss, coworker, spouse, friend, etc., but if no one is watching they struggle to follow rules and keep habits
  • Rebels just general rebel. They don’t want to follow rules or be told what to do. Autonomy and independence is important, and they only do what they truly want to do.
• The reason this is in the Less Good section is that I was really hoping to read a little more about Rebels, as that is definitely The Beard’s personality type. He really struggles to develop habits or follow rules because he feels forced or “bossed.” Of course Gretchen is gonna write more from an Upholder perspective, with a lot of Questioner since her husband is one. I loved the Upholder voice because it spoke to me, but I can imagine Rebels in particular would find a hard time identifying with this book.
• She definitely tries to use a variety of habits, but it somehow still feels like this book is mostly about food, exercise, and general health. She does talk about talking with her sister, reading more, being less cluttered, etc. But I’m a big believer in more “life hacking” type habits, so I wished there were more of those. My favorite of those was the “pairing” strategy: sync a good habit or activity with one you don’t want to do. She uses the example of watching a favorite show ONLY at the gym to motivate you to go and enjoy it more. But I think there’s a lot of ways this could apply to regular life outside of health. I have started reading my scriptures while feeding Reese, because they both need to be done and can reasonably be accomplished together and get out of the way first thing in the morning.
• At the core of forming new habits is Knowing Yourself. But if you aren’t pretty aware of yourself and your habits and what you want, this book will only take you so far. The back of the book had a quiz to help you figure out if you were an Upholder/Questioner/Obliger/Rebel, but beyond that she mostly used her own experiences. Some more quizzes or other experiences would be helpful for people who still need to uncover their identity more completely.

I’m hoping to finish A Darker Shade of Magic in the next week or so, as well as finish listening to Quiet: The Power Of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. I am also going to try to read Illuminae by Amie Kaufman as the Delicious Reads book for March. Join me over on Goodreads to see what I’m reading and what I’d like to read!