Tuesday morning dawned with failure for me. I didn’t finish my novel for NaNoWriMo. 🙁 In fact, I only got like halfway. The thing that makes me feel the dumbest is that I totally COULD have done it. When I signed up I thought “Wow I am biting off way more than I can chew here, per usual Danica.” But in reality… it was doable. Now that I look back on the month I can see how little time I actually wrote and still got halfway – I could have easily finished it. Or at least met the 50,000 word count. It sucks to not be able to blame my failure on the goal being unachievable. I think that’s part of what made me feel safe in attempting it in the first place. Me? A Novel? In a month? And realizing now that it wasn’t crazy is both depressing and comforting, somehow.

I also wanted to lose more weight before my sister’s wedding. Surprise, surprise that didn’t happen. I plateaued completely once meeting my pre-pregnancy weight. It’s not bad. I’m still super proud of my body, my hard work, and the fact that I don’t even pee a little bit when I do jumping jacks anymore. It really didn’t even bother me that much until it was December 1st and I looked back on November.

It wasn’t a full month of failure, of course. My sister’s wedding was beautiful and so so happy! We celebrated my best friend Eliesa’s birthday! Thanksgiving! Friendsgiving! Saw Mockingjay! Wait. That movie was a failure. Um… Oh yeah! Reese learned to wave! Lots of good things!!!!!!!!!!!

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel sad about other things in my life not going well or unmet goals looming overhead. Part of me is like “Hey stupid you’re a mom now and your life is really really good so you don’t get to be sad ever.”

Thankfully there IS a part of me that says “Hey, you’re not stupid. Everyone fails at stuff. Everyone gets sad. It’s ok to yell and cuss at those pants that don’t fit and cry in the shower at stuff that hurts your feelings and listen to a lot of William Fitzsimmons even if your baby girl is so cute and cuddly and giggly that you can’t even be properly emo.”

And there’s a part of me that feels like I need to assure you right now that I’m not schizophrenic.

I don’t get sad very often. But when I do I just really don’t know what to do or how to handle myself or if I’m being ridiculous. And becoming a mom has added this whole other crazy layer to it. November was about figuring that out, I guess.

November had so many fun and beautiful days. And it had a lot of days that just made me want to dive into a bucket of popcorn and never come out. So I’m feeling especially lucky that my “binge” “retail” “therapy” just appears to be regular holiday shopping to everyone else in Old Navy.

Speaking of Old Navy, and for no other related reason, here are some outfit pics of my continuing love for boyfriend tee and everything else Old Navy does.

Tee – Old Navy, Jeans – Gap, Shoes – Old Navy (and I’m obsessed with them)

Well I guess these are related. I took these on a day that I was feeling really happy and good. We were doing wedding prep, hanging with friends and family, eating Mexican food and I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT THESE ARE REAL NON-MATERNITY PANTS WITH A ZIPPER AND BUTTON AND POCKETS AND I FIT INTO THEM. Tiny victories, everyone.

Reese’s Outfit: Sweatshirt top – Old Navy, Denim joggers – H&M, Socks – Old Navy, Headband – June & January (formerly Little Hip Squeaks)
I just love this little kid more than anything else and I know everyone says that. And they mean it. I just really mean every word in that sentence. She’s the best and she makes every day more colorful and happy for me.

I’m totally fine and things are good. Just feeling happy to slam the door on November as it heads out and welcome December, hot chocolate, Elf, and pajamas into my life with open arms.

Come on Star Wars Episode VII. I’m so ready for you.