Day #2 of Parent Teacher Conferences. I’m surviving. Although I did wake up at 4 am from a panic dream in which I had slept through my alarm and it was 8 am and I was missing school. Felt like I’d been hit by a train when my alarm went off at 5:25. I’m ok though! The Beard is flying to Vegas with his team after work today for a quick 24 hour reward trip so I get as much Lady Gaga-blasting, Office-watching, popcorn-eating time as I want tonight! It’s almost worth having no Beard. 🙁

As parents dropped into chairs in front of me last night I had a lot of thoughts about them, their kids, West Jordan in general. Things I could never say outright without offending someone or losing my job. Such as “So why do you have 4 kids and a nose ring?” or “Wait… which one of you is the step-mom?” or “Why are you even talking to me if your kid has a 99.8% A in my class and no questions or concerns?”

Yesterday on KSL I read this article, and really liked it. I agreed with many of them, and also thought of a few I wanted to add.

This is my edit. It’s blunt and honest, but please know I do love my job AND my 200 punks.

The REAL 10 Things Your Kid’s Teacher Thinks but will PROBABLY Never Say

1. 45 minutes is a long time. 45 minutes, 5 days a week is a significant amount of time for me to spend with your kid. Even if they’re in a class of 30 other kids. I actually know your kid pretty well. And I see them with their friends, which opportunity you might not have. You need to trust me that I know something about them. I know what’s normal/abnormal for them.

2. 45 minutes is not very long. 45 minutes, 5 days a week is not enough time for me to change their character or completely revamp their habits. YOU have them way more than I do, so their behavior or actions really can’t be placed within my realm of responsibility. I can’t “fix” them. And come May – they’re 100% yours again. So you should be more involved and concerned than I am.

3. I am a professional and you should trust me. I have a college degree and I teach 200+ kids a day. If I say something is wrong or abnormal or a problem – you should listen to me. If a doctor tells you something is wrong, you usually listen to them right? Compared with 200 other students, I can give you a pretty good picture of HOW your kid is. Problems I see. Concerns I have. Props to give. You’re missing out on a valuable resource if you tune me out.

4. YOUR KID LIES. They all lie! Everybody lies! Especially teenagers! This doesn’t mean they are inherently bad or that we hate them. They just lie. They don’t want to get in trouble. But if you let them get away with it they will lie more and more and more. Teachers would NEVER make up some stupid story about your kid to get them in trouble. Please. As if we have the time and energy for that. I agree with the article – “Please believe the 30 year old adult and not the [13] year old kid.”

5. We talk about your kid. Sometimes lovingly. Sometimes worried. Sometimes about how we know we’re gonna see their face on the 5 o clock news because they were arrested for possession and driving a car into a living room. Lunch time is full of those discussions. 

6. If you are rude to me, I feel so much less inclined to help you and your child out. Just like with any other profession. If you’re rude to waiter they might spit in your food. If you throw me under the bus or accuse me of something not only do I not want to help you, but teachers talk. You will earn a reputation as a difficult or crazy parent. Sorry. That’s life. I will never take it out on your child – I’m a professional and I truly care about ALL of my kids. I will however protect myself and my time.

7. Your kid is a jerk. I believe the article puts this much nicer “Your child has no friends because he is unkind,” but I’ll tell you like it is. They’re a jerk. And teaching them to play well with others is freaking not in my job description. Yeah, kids are mean. But if I have had to email or call you about something your child has done that means they are in the jerk-status.

8. Criticizing your kid =/= criticizing you. For the most part. We know kids do weird things. It’s not necessarily your fault or your parenting. We aren’t accusing you of anything. The fastest way to make us think you are also dumb/mean/bad/problematic like your child is to defend their actions. Then it is very clear that you share the problem – and the guilt. If you can listen and agree with us, without getting defensive or victimizing yourself, we know for sure that it isn’t your parenting that’s the problem.

9. Talking negatively about teachers/school in general makes you part of the problem – and the bad guy. I actually hear a lot of this. Even from some close family members. If you are negative or insulting about teachers or treat the school system like it’s a problem [A PROBLEM THAT PROVIDES A FREE EDUCATION FOR YOUR CHILD WHICH WILL RESULT IN MILLIONS OF DOLLARS EARNED IN THEIR LIFETIME], you are indoctrinating your children to be bitter, ungrateful, ignorant students. Of course there are bad teachers. But most of us are putting in insane hours and caring insane amounts about your kid. Thanks for lumping us all in together though, that’s cool.

10. I love your kid. Even if he/she sucks. I tell my husband about them. I talk about them to the other teachers. I think about them on my commute. I wonder how to help them. I hope and pray for them – literally, even. So it really sucks when you assume the worst of me. And sometimes it breaks my heart to say goodbye to your kid in May.

Take it easy on us teachers. We work hard. We’re trying. We love your kids. Give us the benefit of the doubt. And MAY TIME GO FASTER TONIGHT THAN IT DID LAST NIGHT SO I CAN BE HOME BEFORE 9 PM.