Now I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I love the Church, or I should say the Gospel. I have a strong testimony of the restored Gospel. I have a testimony of the Atonement of my perfect Savior, the sacred ordinances in the temple and I’m never, ever leaving this church. My beef is not with the doctrine – even the confusing, socially-charged doctrine that I have to think about every day. My beef is not with the commandments or even something insensitive that some bishop or RS president has ever said to me.

In fact, for most of my life, I have loved going to church. I’m a nerd! I love looking up and marking scriptures! I love learning new things! I love the crazy, awesome, spiritual, inspiring and hilarious things people say. Only at church do you get to hear someone criticize Obama, cry over blessings and offer to bring you a freezer meal all in one breath. I love it.

However, I’ve been really struggling in this new ward. Sure, the Church is the same everywhere you go. But somehow this West Jordan ward feels different, and not in a good way, from every other ward I’ve attended. It doesn’t feel like “church.” It feels like a series of random, unplanned, unorganized meetings of a bunch of people who really don’t understand why we’re there or why we worship 3 hours on Sunday.

Let me start with the superficial, mean, judgy-Danica stuff you guys are waiting for and used to – Everyone looks like garbage at church. I’m talking girls in racerback tank tops. Men in colored shirts and slippers. Sweatpants. I know we don’t live in the richest neighborhood, I get that. But it’s called Sunday Best for a reason. Sweatpants can’t possibly be the best item in your closet. I can’t believe I’m one of only two women wearing heels each week. My worldliness is thrown into stark contrast. They always look me up and down like “Whoa. Easy.” Hello. This entire outfit cost me less than $40, so back that attitude up. I am cheap AND dress my best for Sunday.

Dress: H&M, Blazer: F21, Heels: Target, Necklace: F21

There. Got that out of my system. Please know that I am kind to all of these people and I’m really glad they are there.  Come as you are. We love you and want you there.  That’s what really counts. I know that. But I’m also vain and kinda witchy. And I take my worship seriously. Wear your best and look your best, regardless of what that means for you. PLEASE.

As superficial and b*tchy as I am, that’s not even why I hate Church lately. It’s the meetings themselves. Three hours used to be nothing. I’d listen intently, take notes, write in my journal, mark scriptures, talk to people – it was great! I’d leave thinking “Wow. What a great three hours! I’m ready to tackle this week! Let’s do this!” or on Fast Sunday “Wow. What a great three hours! I’m ready to tackle that giant roast! Let’s do this!”

Now I find myself checking my clock every five minutes, hoping it’s closer to 4 so I can go home. At the end of three hours I leave thinking “Wow. What an insane three hours. I can’t believe I survived. Thanks, Pinterest.”

I know what you’re thinking – “Danica you’re so pretentious! You think you’re so smart that you can’t learn ANYTHING from them.” When I was in seminary one of my teachers said that when he was in meetings that were boring or that he felt were useless or unhelpful, he remembered a quote from a talk that went something like “Pretend it is the Savior speaking to you.” I’ve always remembered that and tried to use it whenever I felt bored in meetings. But again, that’s not it.

The problem with this ward is that there aren’t even any lessons or talks to bore me. No one talks about the Gospel – they get up for talks and testimonies and just talk about their lives and random stories. I’m absolutely not exaggerrating when I say no one even MENTIONED Jesus Christ on the Sunday before Christmas. No one prepares their lessons – they just get up and mumble through the manual or even better, teach false doctrine. As a teacher myself, obviously this is highly offensive to me. I went to school for 4 years to learn how to teach so yeah, I’m a snob about teaching. I get that not everyone went to school for 4 years. I get that people are shy or quiet or inexperienced and sometimes the Lord has big things in mind for them that include a teaching calling. But guess what He doesn’t have in mind? NOT DOING YOUR CALLING.

Here’s how Sunday School usually goes:

• The Beard goes into the youth Sunday School to teach (yes, he actually DOES prepare his lesson)
• I go into Gospel Doctrine alone, approximately 2 minutes or less after Sacrament meeting ends
• 10 minutes later we finally start the lesson, and by start the lesson I mean the teacher shows up and talks to a few of her friends
• She starts mumbling, opens up the book and starts reading, realizes its the wrong lesson and then gives a list of 5-6 scriptures aloud and expects everyone to remember them and look them up
• Surprise – she asked you to read the wrong scripture. It’s not Mark 7:1-6, it was Mark 7:6-37 and could you please read all of them aloud?
• The only people raising their hands are her husband and the bishopric. When they comment she nods, cuts off their last few words and moves on with her mumbling. Wondering why no one else participates?
• BONUS: she’s messing up quotes and telling made up pioneer stories.
• She ends the lesson 10 (!) minutes early. 10 minutes. It’s not even like it’s third hour and I can just go home. I’ve got 10 minutes to sit and Pinterest until YW starts. This has happened 3 times.

Then I go to YW. One of my counselors has, to date, told us about various sins she committed in her youth, how to mix a “high ball” (apparently some kind of drink) and ruined a super fun activity by taking 30 minutes to tell everyone about her mom’s tragic accident at the hands of a drunk driver and the subsequent death and trial.

Every week they call The Beard, asking him to teach Elder’s Quorum (after he just taught youth Sunday School, mind you) and he does it sometimes. By the way he has 47 home teaching families. 47. You read that right. Last week the EQP gets up and says “Ok brothers. We’re actually not gonna have a lesson this week because we have so many announcements…” WHAT. WHATTTTTTTTTTTT. Is this real life? You have 45 minutes worth of announcements? You’re just not going to have a lesson? Have you ever heard of something so crazy?

I love my young women. I love the Church. Our bishopric is pretty cool. But I find myself dreading anything past a regular sacrament meeting. Am I out of line? I really might be. But I swear my frustration is real. Thankfully, I still feel the Spirit when ward members aren’t getting up in Fast & Testimony meeting to ask people to buy their Mary Kay products (really happened), or when they refrain from talking about drug usage and sex crimes in detail during a lesson about SERVICE. Unfortunately those instances are few and far between.

At the end of the day, I know we’re in this ward for a reason. I know that we can help strengthen and support this ward. When we interact one-on-one with people we just love them. They’ve been nothing but kind and welcoming to us. I know the Gospel is true and people are imperfect. I sincerely apologize if anything I wrote today offends you and please know I honestly love the people I’ve met. I just can’t stand these three hours of not-real-church when I’ve grown up my whole life having three hours of awesome real-church. This issue has just been weighing on me more and more (especially with the potential of us moving soon and being in a newer, normal ward) – and nothing clears up my issues like writing.

Have you ever felt this way about a ward, class or calling? How do you deal with it? We’re gonna be here for another 2 months and I don’t want to leave it bitter. I want to love church again. I want to learn and feel the Spirit and help others. Believe it or not, I don’t want to be a witch. At least most of the time.