Ahhhh the funnest, sugariest, sluttiest, wildest holiday of the year! I love Halloween. I always have. I will dress up every year until I die. It’s so much fun!!

It’s especially fun to be in a junior high, because dressing up on campus or in a professional workplace is preeeeeeety awkward. I’ve learned a couple of things about teenagers and costumes.

They are incredibly morbid – tons of “Zipper Faces” and gory zombies today

You can gauge their maturity and projected future promiscuity based on their junior high costumes.

Non-slutty Avenger? You’re good.

Fairy Princess? Even better. No unplanned pregnancies for you.

Nurse (not in scrubs)? You’re treading on some dangerous ground.

French maid (Yes, I had one of these today in 8TH FREAKING GRADE)? Keep this girl away from anyone who owns a motorcycle.

Miley Cyrus (Wrecking Ball or Teddy Bear) – Take away everything spandex and get her with a counselor.

Today is the end of Term 1, we have tomorrow off and all the classes are shortened so we can have a dance at the end of the day from 1:45-2:50. So instead of moving on with Bunker Hill and the Declaration of Independence, we took a day off to backtrack and do the Salem Witch Trials.

I started class by telling them I had chosen 3 kids in the class who were witches. Everyone else had to go ask questions, based on the information I gave them about what might make someone a witch, and find out who those 3 people would be. Correct guesses would merit a candy bar. But I hadn’t chosen anyone! Oh how quickly did these kids turn on eachother. They’ll pretty much kill someone for candy at school. I can’t imagine what they’d do for a Klondike Bar. Within 10 minutes we have half the class standing up at the front “on trial,” FREAKING OUT (one girl was almost in tears “But I SWEAR I am not a witch!!!”) before I revealed to them that actually none of them were picked as witches. Then we discussed the trails and I showed them this very interesting hypothesis:

In reality I spent most of the the time telling them to shut up, sit down, turn around, stop switching wigs, don’t choke him with his cape, stop use the n-word (weirdly Halloween really brings out the n-word using part of people?).

I ended class with making them all pinky promise me (yes, literally, because I’m 12 like that) that they’d be careful tonight. I may tease, make fun of and complain about these kids, but I love them with most of my heart. Most of the time. I pray for them every morning. I worry about them when I’m off duty. Halloween has me worrying about them because they are sometimes stupid and kids get hit by cars on Halloween every year. So I made them pinky promise. It made me feel a little better.

Stay tuned for updates on the amount of twerking at the dance, my after hours costume (not as slutty as it sounds sry) and The Beard’s costume! Hint: It’s a famous angry bearded man.

Happy Halloween!